“So I flirt with disaster once or twice. Who doesn’t?” He snorted. “You don’t just flirt with disaster, you have intercourse with… — Dannika Dark Copy Share Image
“Nix and Emma: 'Looks like you just found a new talent.' 'Great. Why couldn't I be good at underwater origami or something?” — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image
All the dramas I admire most - 'Six Feet Under,' 'The Sopranos' - even when the scenes aren't laugh-out-loud funny, per se,… — Jesse Armstrong Copy Share Image
The funny thing I thought was, no matter what, people talked bad about cops. But as soon as something bad happened, when… — Benson Henderson Copy Share Image
“Relatives come to your house and make fun of you. Then you go as a relative to their house and make fun… — Nitya Prakash Copy Share Image
“Most unintelligent or foolish people do not regard themselves as that; they regard themselves as not-that-intelligent or not-that-wise.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“When did you grow a back bone?" Cassius stopped pacing and actually smiled a little. Kendall wasn't appeased "I borrowed Jory's” — Gabrielle Evans Copy Share Image
I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The… — Jerry Lewis Copy Share Image
“The real purpose of the opposition is to minimize the amount of money the ruling party will have stolen from the people… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“The High King makes a nonchalant gesture. 'Jude likes to suppose the worst of both her enemies and her allies. Her reward… — Holly Black Copy Share Image
“Well, just get used to it, because you're a long ways away from Kansas, my dear. She actually started singing "The Sun… — Holly Hood Copy Share Image
The only non-believer I encountered was Oscar Levant who wouldn't visit Disneyland because he said he had his own hallucinations. — Jack Paar Copy Share Image
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
BOY: I luv u girl and I want u 2 be my babe. GIRL: I accept but no sex bcos I want… — Newlove Copy Share Image
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I… — Claude Pepper Copy Share Image
I hate that feeling when you close your eyes to apply shampoo, and get paranoid that someone might kill you in the… — Rashida Rowe Copy Share Image
Guy ( 16 years ) : Do you want to marry me ? Girl ( 16 years ) : WTF ?! NO… — Sheryne Brooks Copy Share Image
All these people helped make this book possible. But let me make one thing clear: If there are any errors or omissions… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Taking punches to the face at six in the morning, it's funny to hear that but, like, I'm grateful that I'm capable… — Joseph Benavidez Copy Share Image
So today at school.. We had a special visitor. He asked the audience, If you could choose between either having the super… — Sheryne Brooks Copy Share Image
Now, they say that New Zealand is beautiful and I do not know -- because after 22 hours on a plane any… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I can not live without you! I amincomplete without you I will love you forever! Alright, so I just told you! So… — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
It's funny to see a film in Spain with a lot of violence because we don't have a lot of violence. Well,… — Javier Camara Copy Share Image
Nothing can duplicate the sheer power and feeling you get from standing in front of your amp and bashing on your guitar. — James Hetfield Copy Share Image
Part of my defence mechanism is humour, so sometimes when I'm being funny, it's just as a way of stopping people from… — Simon Amstell Copy Share Image
Does anyone Else Think its Wierd when they go some Where Different And Everyone's Like Can You Say ____ Beacuse they Like… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“These three man," Mimi said, "are suspects in a recent theft. Last night, Polly Partial received a shipment of twenty blueberry pies.… — Lemony Snicket Copy Share Image
There are comedic rules and formulae and, while these tenets should be respected, especially by a newcomer, perversely you can still succeed… — Richard Herring Copy Share Image
“I suppose when you say you slept with him, it was more than just a nap?" Lillian shot her a withering glance.… — Lisa Kleypas Copy Share Image
Laughter is wine for the soul - laughter soft, or loud and deep, tinged through with seriousness - the hilarious declaration made… — Sean O'Casey Copy Share Image
Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played "Here Comes the Bride"... — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My greatest fear is coming home one day and discovering that the slim and sexy woman I married has become fat and… — MO'Zee Copy Share Image
Just because I text // talk to you, doesn't mean I wanna insert my penis in your vaginal canal. Vagina isn't hard… — Jayy Copy Share Image
If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each… — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
Americans are incredibly inpatient. Someone once said that the shortest period of time in America is the time between when the light… — Jim Rohn Copy Share Image
The Internet destroyed most of the barriers to publication. The cost of being a publisher dropped to almost zero with two interesting… — Dick Costolo Copy Share Image
Girl- kya tum mujhse pyar karte ho..? Banta- haan Girl- lekin tume to meri parwaah hi nahi Banta- oye pyar karne wale… — Sadie Copy Share Image
When the powerful horses went out, they were straining to go throughout the earth. And he said, "Go throughout the earth!" So… — Zechariah 6:7 Copy Share Image
God made whiskey, god made pepsi, god made me so sexy! god made rivers, god made lakes, god made u….well we all… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
If I go on summer vacation, I'd make a funny video about it for YouTube. For Instagram I'd show the gorgeous pictures.… — Eva Gutowski Copy Share Image
