The difference between being anonymous and being fake is similar to between hiding the truth and telling a lie — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Everybody is a potential murderer. I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices. — Clarence Darrow Copy Share Image
Airline food is not intended for human consumption. It's intended as a form of in-flight entertainment, wherein the object is to guess… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I always think I should get on it if I want to have kids. Because once you hit thirty it can be… — Sarah Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when you're just being nice and the person thinks you're flirting with them. — Nishan Panwar Copy Share Image
I have an idea for sweatshops: air conditioning! That's simple. 14 year old boys working twelve hour days? "Yeah, but they're comfortable!" — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Im not saying I hate you. Im just saying if you got his by a bus, I would be driving that bus.:) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Guys, I had nothing to live for, but then I got a discount on my Cellphone bill. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“Shane dragged Eve's suitcase into the room and dumped it on the floor beside her bed. “Hey, Dark Princess? Here’s your crap.… — Rachel Caine Copy Share Image
A tough guy told me, "I'll bet you $10 you're dead." I was afraid to bet him. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I love movies that are funny and scary and truly emotional all in one film, and I don't feel like I see… — Lee Unkrich Copy Share Image
HEY , I just met you. And this is crazy , but you're a douchebag. Can you change that maybe? — Jaylon Hillsman Copy Share Image
I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday and 4% Friday. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate retards all they have to do is say their alphabet and they pass the ninth grade! — Madison Copy Share Image
Girls are funny. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Thunderstick?... You actually said, 'Thunderstick?'... That, my friend is a Winchester 30.06. — Gary Larson Copy Share Image
To me at least was never evening yet, but seemed far beautifuller than its day. — Robert Browning Copy Share Image
History always tells a story... That's why you must always clear it before your dad uses the computer! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You're not RESPONSIBLE for somebody else's happiness. You're responsible for your own HAPPINESS. — Joel Osteen Copy Share Image
When a sentence ends up with a but be sure you understand that the but is important. — Clive Kassis Copy Share Image
Never argue with idiots. Because First they bring you to their level and then they beat you with their experience. — Nishan Panwar Copy Share Image
“humor is a spiritual journey to see the world in a unique, amusing way.” — Ed Toolis Copy Share Image
“Subject: Sundown Date: June 14 2011 09:35 To: Christian Grey Dear Completely & Utterly Smitten I love waking up with you, too.… — E.L. James Copy Share Image
A man has two options in a relationship: Either STAND UP and be the man she needs... or... SIT DOWN so she… — Rachel Copeland Copy Share Image
If I could have convinced more slaves that they were slaves, I could have freed thousands more. — Harriet Tubman Copy Share Image
