Funny Quotes · Page 54

After a while, the fear became a habit, too.

— Celeste Ng

The news and the truth are not the same thing.

— Walter Lippmann

Don't come on to be funny - come on to solve problems.

— Keith Johnstone

I am the drum on which God is beating out his message.

— Joan of Arc

It's not what you appreciate; it's that you appreciate.

— Hannibal

You cannot be anything that you point to.

— Mooji

Bill Dickey is learning me his experience.

— Yogi Berra

Thank you very Much, I enjoyed myself

— Richard P. Feynman

Take part. Contribute. Be interested in everything and everybody.

— Claude Rains

God's Word is not meant just to inform you, but to transform you.

— Rick Warren

Some people say "you can't live without LOVE" personally, I think OXYGEN is more important.

— Anonymous

Everyone has to do 20 push-ups for the mellophones shorts.

— Aaron Goldberg

If at first you dont succeed . . . so much for skydiving.

— SangFroid Stalker

That's the way Stravinsky was. Bup, bup, bup, bup. The poor guy's dead now. Play it legato.

— Eugene Ormandy

We become sad in the first place because we have nothing stirring to do.

— Herman Melville

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.

— GKChesterton

I learned that you can be powerful and funny at the same time, and you don't have to be liked. I think…

— Michelle Buteau

I think the most horrible name for a crime has to be manslaughter. ... "I slaughtered a man! Just like a pig!…

— Brian Regan

I'm the ultimate studier of comedy. I grew up in a very funny household. My dad is the king of one-liners; my…

— Susan Kelechi Watson

A lot of people think that Jesus is coming back. That's fine, it's your right. But you know, I live in New…

— Marc Maron

My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on, four billion! Darn! Seven. Not…

— Mitch Hedberg

“If you are reading this then you have wasted another day of your life day dreaming, rather than planning the life God…

— Shannon L. Alder

I've grown up around that sort of petty crime, getting into trouble and trying to get out of it. What's funny is…

— Michelle Keegan

I guess what I always found funny was the human condition. There is a certain comedy and pathos to trouble and accidents.…

— John Prine

You can't measure success if you have never failed.

— Steffi Graf

I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.

— Oscar Levant

If someone is responsible, it's me,

— Fidel Castro

Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?

— Groucho Marx

If it were up to me, I'd take away the guns

— Cheryl Wheeler

Happiness is a by product of service.

— William J. Critchlow, Jr

I'm a scamp. I don't deny it. I like myself.

— Jack Nicholson

Let's see if I get myself with this one.

— Jon-Erik Hexum

Choose clients as you would friends.

— Charlie Munger

LOVE Is Blind.. and MARRIAGE Opens The Eyes

— Ritu Ghatourey

Lebron: I'm proposing to my girl. Kobe: With what?

— Anonymous

Youre only yourself when no ones watching!

— Suzan-Lori Parks

My greatest achievement is my huge failure.

— Green Monk

I'm on a seafood diet - I see food, I eat it.

— Dolly Parton

Wind is to us what money is to life on shore.

— Sterling Hayden

I am here to fix the problem with yer pheaun.

— Peter Sellers