Funny Quotes · Page 55

The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King!"

— Henny Youngman

If you're a studio writer, the funny better be on the page.

— Thomas Lennon

Some things in life you just can't ride around

— Randolph Scott

It's not the truth that you know, but the truth that you obey that matters.

— Johnny Hunt

You didnt access love, love accessed you!

— Judah Smith

I Just got finished going 2 the dentist for a teeth cleaning its important to take care of yo hygiene becuz u…

— Dante

I never leave my house. Then I don't have to put a bra on, and I don't have to change my pants.

— Jennifer Lawrence

Respect me, or put me to death.

— Malcolm X

You are the knowing, not the condition that is known.

— Eckhart Tolle

My mind wanders a lot, but fortunately it's too weak to go very far.

— Bob Thaves

I'm showbiz-fat. It's so funny, in all the reviews that I read, no one wants to use the word 'fat' as an…

— Marissa Jaret Winokur

It is better to be the cause of an effect rather than be the effect that was caused.

— Richard Machowicz

Yo can’t reason someone out of something he didn’t reason himself into.

— Jonathan Raymond

I am here to serve. I am here to inspire. I am here to love. I am here to live my truth

— Deepak Chopra

Okay. - the only thing ever said by guys in Sex, Shower and Sandwitch.

— Nikhil Saluja

In every country and in every age the priest has been hostile to liberty; he is always in allegiance to the despot,…

— Thomas Jefferson

Conference: One man's confusion multiplied by the number of people there.

— Nikhil Saluja

The traffic began crawling now- but it was a progress even a snail would have been ashamed to claim.

— Anonymous

Because I grew up with women, I have a certain amount of charm, and I'm all right to get on with, kind…

— James Nesbitt

He's started anticipating what's going to happen before it's even happened.

— Graeme Le Saux

“Sometimes it wasn't easy to be polite to someone who locked you in a mudpit”

— Samantha Boyette

97% of people work a J.O.B( Just Over Broke). All of them want a M.B.A (Massive Bank Account). They are clueless on…

— Anonymous

The question that haunted every investigation was 'why'.

— Louise Penny

“How am I supposed to believe you when you're obviously carrying a fake monogram Gucci Bag?”

— Madi Brown

“Liza took her time sipping her tea. “That’s what I hear Janet. Of course, living it up can take years off your…

— Gwenn Wright

To a child, 'The Little Prince' is the story of a boy who falls from the sky, meets lots of funny people…

— Maria Konnikova

“It's just...how do I put this? Maybe it's just hard for me to imagine turning down something that's so much harder for…

— Liz Czukas

This planet is our home. If we destroy the planet, we've destroyed our home, so it is fundamentally important.

— Ross Perot

I like being a funny lady. I think there's nothing sexier than a funny lady.

— Maya Rudolph

I know nothing and perhaps I never will,

— George R. R. Martin

Hyperbole is something Id better avoid.

— Terry Gilliam

The End is the Beginning is the End

— Serena Ryder

John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important,…

— Groucho Marx

I'm in love and I'm happy. Don't you see it?

— Irina Shayk

“Sorry, Ian," Cameron said. He found himself saying that to Ian quite a bit. "I didn't understand." Ian gave him a faint…

— Jennifer Ashley

In the old days, we painstakingly copied our emails onto paper, put a stamp on them and mailed them to arrive 4…

— Peter Sagal

You will miss a normal life while living a successful life, but not as much as the craving for a successful life…

— Amit Kalantri

Don't just consume things, create things

— Barack Obama

Self Control; The ability to prevent myself from beating the sh*t out of someone who desperately needs it.

— Pretty Ladii

All I can say is hold on, and prepare ...

— Tom DeLonge