Funny Quotes · Page 29

I hope you came out to hear some bluegrass music. If you didn't, we're both in the wrong place.

— Ricky Skaggs

LOL, thats so good! Can't stop laughing!!

— Anonymous

Professionally, I have no age.

— Kathleen Turner

More and more of our imports are coming from overseas

— George W. Bush

They say FALLING IN LOVE is GOOD, But I think EATING FOOD is VERY GOOD!

— Jhoni13

“Zoey~ 'Listen to me, whinning about money and a scarf. Ah, hell! I'm starting to sound like Aphrodite.' Stark~ 'If you turn…

— P.C. Cast &Kristin Cast

“The problem with our society is that our values aren’t in the right place. There’s an awful lot of bleeding and naked…

— Bauvard

God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.

— George Carlin

We have to think before we act.

— Rand Paul

The British suffer from a most unfortunate superiority complex - unjustified even under Victoria and most certainly hopelessly out-of-date today.

— George Mikes

We cannot know God apart from His Word...

— Joyce Meyer

There is always something funny going on between scenes with Adam Sandler. He's always cracking jokes and yelling at people for no…

— Cameron Boyce

To me drink is my best friend cuz its allways there when I'm feeling down

— Dan The Man

Teacher:The test is very easy. Me:Sure it is bitch, you already know the answers.

— Anonymous

There are 3 types of people: 1. People who pee in the shower 2. Liars 3. Multidimensionally Retarted

— Jewelizeemint Deelouviou

As a joke, I would love to stand in line at ATM machines, and when people put in their PIN, I yell…

— Hussein Nishah

I did a standup show called 'Show Me the Funny,' so from that I got some TV stuff and people would book…

— Ellie Taylor

I like my beer as I like my beer. Beer.

— Nikhil Saluja

That which is denied cannot be healed.

— Brennan Manning

You know, it wasn't even that I'm a funny guy, I just loved stand-up comedy and I wanted to do it. It…

— Bill Burr

Things I don't understand don't destroy my faith in the things I do understand.

— Richard L. Evans

When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power - like God must feel when he's holding…

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm sick and tired of our generation being called the TV generation. What do you expect? We watched Lee Harvey Oswald get…

— Denis Leary

Is it man that possesses love, or is it not much rather love that possesses man?

— Ludwig Feuerbach

Most owners are at length able to teach themselves to obey their dog.

— Robert Morley