You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers,… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness. — Robert M. Hutchins Copy Share Image
I think my way of being "funny" is just saying things that people think but have learned not to say, whereas, I… — Victoria Chang Copy Share Image
I think that's something that people don't realize enough about when they get into comedy - it's not just about sitting back… — Brett Gelman Copy Share Image
I think what is important for things to be funny is if you the listener, or the reader, get a chance to… — Ian Frazier Copy Share Image
“I just wrote a book. But don't go and buy it yet, because I don't think it's finished.” — Lawrence Welk Copy Share Image
What was funny if you were there is that we were all immensely sophisticated people who knew exactly what she was going… — Anthony Holden Copy Share Image
“Crime writers, I've noticed, can be jumpy. They live in a world where there are murderers on the loose and they haven't… — Sara Sheridan Copy Share Image
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
On one thing, at least, men & women both agree: They both distrust women. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Beautiful women must think about their beauty as capitalists think about their investments or politicians about their majorities; it is all they… — Cyril Connolly Copy Share Image
You there, Friday! Welcome back you sexy son of a bitch! We've been looking for you since Monday! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Would you like to sit?" Kellen asked her. "You'd better do it soon," Owen whispered close to her ear, "or I'm going… — Olivia Cunning Copy Share Image
Why don't Jehovah's Witnesses like Halloween? Because they cant handle the competition. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A woman gets stretch marks from one of two things. Either she was big and got small or she was small and… — Katt Williams Copy Share Image
