Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I am fifty-two years of age. I am a bishop in the Anglican Church, and a few people might be constrained to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't get the regular AIDS test anymore. I get the roundabout AIDS test. I ask my friend Brian, "Do you know… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Dear Amber Hope,You're amazing, Funny, creative, and yet soooo pretty xD Don't let anyone I mean ANYONE tell you different! 'Cause they… — Jasmine Copy Share Image
When I was little, I am gonna tell your mom was the scariest sentence. :S — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What?" she asked again. He pointed ahead of them. "See that?" "What, the snow?" "Beyond that." "More snow?" "Stop looking at the… — Derek Landy Copy Share Image
Soul of the Age! The applause! delight! the wonder of our stage! My Shakespeare, rise; I will not lodge thee by Chaucer,… — Ben Jonson Copy Share Image
If I knew exactly what I know now and had it to do over, I'd be a switch hitter. No telling what… — Hank Aaron Copy Share Image
Most people think that aging is irreversible and we know that there are mechanisms even in the human machinery that allow for… — Deepak Chopra Copy Share Image
If there's one thing I know, it's men. I ought to. It's been my life's work. — Marie Dressler Copy Share Image
You can delete me on Facebook, you can unfollow me on Twitter, you can delete my number, but you can never unlick… — Sylvia Plath Copy Share Image
