Funny Quotes · Page 26

You're a piece of meat.

— Krystinna Keuhn

Trust your creativity.

— Jeanette Winterson

Hahaha true dat

— Anonymous

YOU HAVE A VAAGGGIINNAAA!

— CM Punk

I'm just not very funny.

— Ira Glass

Seize time by the forelock.

— Pittacus of Mytilene

“Oh my god, I am a banana.”

— John Green

Jangan Yakin Akan Ragu

— Salman Aditya

Live to fight on other days.

— Janet Morris

The more we bestow the richer we become.

— Thomas Paine

One who fears failure limits his activities.

— Henry Ford

Window: What I hope to do when I go to Las Vegas

— Nikhil Saluja

One can only blaspheme if one believes.

— W. H. Auden

I didn't break the rules, but I challenged the rules.

— Ella Baker

Absolute and entire ugliness is rare.

— John Ruskin

They don't know it, but they are doing it.

— Karl Marx

You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

— Tim Vine

You could do anything, if only you dared. And deep down, you know it, too. That’s what scares you most.

— Sarah J. Maas

Putting on headphones and it seems like suddenly everybody wants to talk to yo

— Anonymous

Things can be funny only when we are in fun. When we're 'dead earnest,' humor is the only thing that is dead.

— Flip Wilson

Are we done with law school yet? Seriously, we've been sitting here for years.

— Anonymous

Some women spend the first part of their lives looking for a husband, and the last part wondering where he is.

— Vikrant Parsai

I live in Jesus, on Jesus, with Jesus, and soon hope to be perfectly conformed to His likeness.

— Charles Spurgeon

Throwing your phone in temper then checking if its okay…

— Anonymous

Marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Let me tell you, honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.

— Larry Gelbart

If you're watching a parade, don't follow it. It never changes. If the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction. You…

— Mitch Hedberg

Hands down, 'The Family Man' is one of my favorite movies with Nicolas Cage and Tea Leoni. I've always loved that movie...…

— Ainsley Earhardt

“...that was before I'd started thinking about how life stuck on a ship wouldn't be so bad if Elder walked around pantless…

— Beth Revis

The great commander, who seemed by expression of his visage to be always on the look-out for something in the extremest distance,…

— Charles Dickens

My comedy on Twitter is very personal and a lot of it is messy and emotional, but I also want people to…

— Rachel Sennott

“Wedded she some years, and to a man Of fifty, and such husbands are in plenty; And yet, I think, instead of…

— Lord Byron

There's people out there that are like, 'Oh my God, I want to have your kid. I want to marry you.' People…

— Ryan Lochte

We expand what we focus on.

— Wayne Dyer

I was born to be funny.

— Buddy Hackett

Life: One word is enough.

— Nikhil Saluja

The real PUMA!

— MHDAVOODI

Anything can be funny, man.

— Deon Cole

When in doubt, mumble.

— Anonymous

Find a path or make one.

— Seneca the Younger

A harmless necessary cat.

— William Shakespeare