Funny Quotes · Page 148

Win hearts, and you have hands and purses.

— Lord Burleigh

If thou canst believe, all things are possible.

— Florence Scovel Shinn

To beguile the time, look like the time.

— William Shakespeare

My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.

— Rodney Dangerfield

All growth depends upon activity.

— Calvin Coolidge

Dear boyfriend, You don't EXiST !

— Anonymous

It's all about what they can get out of me.

— Dennis Rodman

I only envy as basic old sexual jealousy.

— Joan Juliet Buck

And they say that money change you, but money don't change you. It just make you more of what you already are

— Phonte

“Oh, hey, kettle, I’m pot and wow, you’re black.” - Owen”

— Olivia Cunning

What you do for yourself, you're doing for others, and what you do for others, you're doing for yourself.

— Pema Chodron

This book (the Bible) is not hard to understand. It's just hard to swallow.

— Steve Lawson

That awkward moment when you look around to see if you're all alone before puffing.

— Theophilus Lukonde Jr

Do you know who I would love to play? Morticia Addams - then I could use all that darkness to be funny.

— Monica Bellucci

No I dont drink alcohol. Why put something in my body that's so potent it can convince a girl to sleep with…

— Green Monk

When everyone is against you, it means you are absolutely wrong - or you are absolutely right.

— Albert Guinon

This satire business, that was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. I was certified funny. From then on,…

— Ray Guy

Gal's top 10 lies 1. I luv u more than nothing 2. I am single 3. I hope u wont cheat on…

— Anonymous

How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small

— Anonymous

On the secret to a lasting marrige: One of you has to be sane, and the other one is only allowed to…

— Christopher Meloni

“Look at what you've done,' Sanguine said, shaking his head with mock severity. 'You have foiled out insidious little plot. You have…

— Derek Landy

The funny thing about voice over is you can go in in sweatpants and have your hair all messed up, and no…

— Elizabeth Gillies

“He studied with the guru of rock n’ roll, Baba Oom Mow Mow, who taught his own version of the Golden Rule:…

— Swami Beyondananda

I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.

— Jimmy Carr

No one ever died with too much money.

— Ben Feldman

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

— Anonymous

You can't spell Citrus without UT

— Steve Spurrier

I am hopelessly and forever a mountaineer.

— John Muir

Remember that I too am mortal.

— George Bernard Shaw

I found it funny I was on 'Newsnight.'

— Dizzee Rascal

Hope is a great falsifier of truth.

— Baltasar Gracian

Swaraj is my birthright, and I shall have it!

— Bal Gangadhar Tilak

I fast for greater physical and mental efficiency

— Plato

Ive been touring now since about 68.

— Joe Cocker

Don't blog what you don't own.

— Lisa Williams

Which of us is other than a secret to all but God!

— George MacDonald

If indeed you must be candid, be candid beautifully.

— Khalil Gibran

The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

— Henny Youngman

And Life continues to be fascinating...

— Maila Nurmi

All that I seek is already within me.

— Louise Hay