Funny Quotes · Page 10

I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it…

— Bill Bailey

When you don't know what you're searching for, you have to look absolutely everywhere.

— Holly Black

Be ruthless about protecting writing days.

— J. K. Rowling

You can go to a play that is enjoyable because it's funny, and then on the next night you can go to…

— Wallace Shawn

Sermons are like pie-crust, the shorter the better.

— Austin O'Malley

The thing that haunts a man the most is what he isn’t ordered to do.

— Clint Eastwood

Yea, he's alright...but he's no Zach Braff.

— Zach Braff

If you push your brother down the stairs, he will become your step brother.

— Nikhil Saluja

You can't do every movie - although I do a lot of them - and the thing I'm longing to do is...…

— Lance Henriksen

It's not that liberals aren't smart, it's just that so much of what they know isn't so

— Ronald Reagan

When fear ceases to scare you, it cannot stay.

— Gary Zukav

My friend has a baby, I am recording all the noises he makes so I can later ask him what he meant.

— Stephen Wright

“Sometimes I feel that the only concept of fairness in our society is creams like fair & lovely or fair & handsome.”

— Jeroninio Almeida

Just wanted to congratulate myself on sitting through your graduation ceremony.

— Anonymous

Nothing can be produced without a cause, and the effect is but the cause reproduced.

— Swami Vivekananda

Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini

— Sergei Rachmaninoff

My bikini told me to hit the gym but my sweatpants said nahh girl you good

— Anonymous

I have a friend who is a juggler. If I'm at his house, I don't like to take food from him, if…

— Mitch Hedberg

They say true love is worth fighting for, but if its true love..why do you have to fight for it?

— Bernajoy Vaal

Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.

— Bo Burnham

A man who fails is funny... if my sketches teach anything, it is that, for the male, sex is a snare and…

— Benny Hill

What you are will make you what you will become.

— Samuel R. Delany

I been listening to Rick Ross and all the guy raps about is cars he can't even fit in.. WTF

— Kevin McCarty

Mindfulness is life. Whenever we don’t have mindfulness, when we are heedless, it’s as if we are dead.

— Ajahn Chah

I want to push that no matter what race you are, you're never just a sidekick or broken character. You're the main…

— Lexi Underwood