My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
It's funny, I used to say on 'That 70's Show', you could really put us in any decade, and it was about… — Laura Prepon Copy Share Image
The truth doesn't hurt. Whatever it is, it doesn't hurt. It's better to know the truth. — Ricky Gervais Copy Share Image
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working when you get up in the morning, and doesn't stop until you get… — Robert Frost Copy Share Image
“Nona I don't think your allowed to smoke in here. Nona exhaled a large cloud of smoke. Nona keeps their lights on.… — Holly Hood Copy Share Image
Finish what you're writing. Whatever you have to do to finish it, finish it. — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I’m 59 and people call me middle aged. How many 118 year old men do you know? — Barry Cryer Copy Share Image
Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don't think so...retired mermaids. — Milton Jones Copy Share Image
It doesn't matter how many times the audience has heard it before. If it's funny, it's funny. — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“My mom's a mad scientist. It's a lot like being a regular scientist, except without worrying about legal or moral limitations, and… — Chelsea Campbell Copy Share Image
I'm sick of Soup Of The Day, man. It's time we make a decision. I need to know what Soup From Now… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Opportunity is always knocking. The problem is that most people have the self-doubt station in their head turned up way too loud… — Brian Vaszily Copy Share Image
Life's pretty funny when you're objectively on the outside looking at it. — Philip Seymour Hoffman Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Saying women aren't funny is now like saying Asians can't drive or saying black people have bad credit. It's just really, like,… — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
