We're learning more about Osama bin Laden. His father was married 16 times, and he has five wives. I think we're getting… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
What we know about Osama Bin Laden is this: he's worth $300 million, he has five wives and twenty-six kids -- and… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Bush announced he has a five-point strategy for getting out of Iraq. Points six through 10 will be handled by the… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Osama bin Laden has ten look-alikes to fool us Americans. Ten look-alikes, and he's married to five of them. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Every day we learn more and more about this wacky Osama bin Laden. He lives in a cave and at one time… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Over the weekend, of course, down there in Washington, D.C., they had the big White House Correspondents' Dinner. Do you know who… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
You probably heard about the big prisoner swap with Cuba. A man who has been incarcerated in Havana for five years is… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Two things you need to know about taxes. They've extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your check, just make it… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
You know Kim Jong Un, the evil dictator of North Korea? Apparently, a guy in his inner circle used his ashtray while smoking and… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I can hardly wait until Donald Trump announces his celebrity cabinet. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Do I think there is a heaven? Uh, yeah I do. Like a really big gymnasium. How do I see myself there? With really… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
If it wasn't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
