“It’s not hush money. It’s simply dollars backed not by faith, but by shhh.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I believe I believe I can succeed, and this belief is the foundation for my belief.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“All I know is I don’t know if I know, and this everlasting oscillation shakes my belief system.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m willing to die for my beliefs, but over the course of a lifetime and not all at once right now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Faith: a device of the mind, fed by the soul, that functions like crutches to a man in a wheelchair.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A leap of faith doesn’t involve leg strength. Still, I can’t take any chances, so I’ve been doing squats.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to reaffirm your faith in God, though I’d suggest using something a little firmer, like a brick. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I burp I’m not just pushing polluted air into the world—no, I’m espousing my belief on the true nature of politicians.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help define your rigid beliefs. I put my beliefs to bed, along with the hooker I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Just because I flap my arms, that doesn’t make me a bird. No, I’m a bird because I believe myself to be.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Republicans don’t stand for the beliefs of the right, and Democrats don’t stand for the principles of the left. They each stand… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I drink hot coffee in the summer, and iced coffee in the winter. I’m a contrarian, and contrary to popular belief I'm… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Not only do I not believe in not believing in God, I’m also a big supporter of crutches, canes, walkers, and anything… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
