“I don’t want to bring it up, but you do live on the top floor and the elevator’s broken. So that’s why… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Elevators are supposed to smell like urine. That's what make the jazz playing through the overhead speakers sound more authentic.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A bathroom that doubles as an elevator would be a great place to open a coffee shop—but only if it’s a Starbucks.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Things to do in an elevator: Install a glass display, like in a museum, over the floor buttons and have a sign… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Some of the higher-ups in the organization don’t know anything about the company—including which floor they are on (the top one). It… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I get on the elevator on the ground floor, the building has no basement, and someone says, Going up? I like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am excited to report that I may have gotten a job as an elevator attendant. It's a three-flight elevator, and my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
