“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Property is theft. Nobody "owns" anything. When you die, it all stays here. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Do you know why hurricanes have names instead of numbers? To keep the killing personal. No one cares about a bunch of… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Life is sacred? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading causes… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? "Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Life is sacred? Who said so, God? Hey, if you read history you'll realize that God is one of the leading causes… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Something is wrong. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, crime, torture, corruption and the ice capades. If this is the best… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself… — george carlin Copy Share Image
“Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
