Comedy Quotes by Roseanne Barr

You know, I'm blessed. 'Blessed' is a better way of saying 'rich.'

— Roseanne Barr

There isn't a problem on this earth that a doughnut cannot make better.

— Roseanne Barr

I had left home (like all Jewish girls) in order to eat pork and take birth control pills. When I first shared an intimate…

— Roseanne Barr

Diets are a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

— Roseanne Barr

Pot enables you to think clearly without any fear or any limits. It's a mind-expander, which is part of why it's illegal and why…

— Roseanne Barr

My dad taught me swears when I was a toddler, and I saw, at a really early age, that if I shocked people, I…

— Roseanne Barr

I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what…

— Roseanne Barr

I thank God for creating gay men. Because if it wasn't for them, us fat women would have no one to dance with.

— Roseanne Barr

“I consider myself to be apretty good judge of people...That's why I don't like any of them.”

— Roseanne Barr

Sometimes for me not throwing a tantrum is what running a marathon or swimming the English Channel must be like for others of a…

— Roseanne Barr

Here is my personal opinion about prostitution. If men knew how to do it, they wouldn't have to pay for it.

— Roseanne Barr

Finding a calm place inside myself through meditation kind of helped me to get over a lot of mental illness ... it's just been…

— Roseanne Barr

Part of my platform is, of course, the guilty must be punished and that we no longer let our children see their guilty leaders…

— Roseanne Barr

Everyone in America (according to my generalizations) is a potential millionaire waiting for his or her big break. I was astonished lately to realize…

— Roseanne Barr

You can always get better. Nobody can stop you from getting better, and nobody can stop you from trying to make something right.

— Roseanne Barr