I'm never going to get married again. Three strikes, you're out. I think if I would try to get married again in… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
Oh, hi. I been married thirteen years, and lemme tell you, it's a thrill to be out of the house. I never… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact. — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
Those who can't do, teach. And, as Woody Allen says, those who can't teach, teach gym. And, as I say, those who… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
“As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
My husband says, 'Roseanne, don't you think we ought to talk about our sexual problems?' Like I'm gonna turn off Wheel of… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
Putting measures like gay marriage on ballots for elections only hurts the gay rights cause and elects more conservative politicians. — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
Husbands are never happy. My husband asked me for more space, so I locked him out of the house. — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
Have you heard about the women who stabbed her husband 37 times? I admire her restraint. — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
“I figure when my husband comes home from work, if the kids are still alive, then I've done my job.” — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
My husband is almost as heavy as I am. We were married in adjoining churches. — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
My husband says, 'God, Roseanne, I can't remember the last time we had sex.' Well, I can, and that is why we… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
I have five kids from three marriages. I come from a trailer park. My sister and brother are both gay. I have… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
My best friend Linda is leaving her husband just because he is unfaithful to her. That is no reason to leave the… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce. — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
This bugs me the worst. That's when the husband thinks that the wife knows where everything is, huh? Like they think the… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
There isn't a problem on this earth that a doughnut cannot make better. — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
I had left home (like all Jewish girls) in order to eat pork and take birth control pills. When I first shared an intimate… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
Pot enables you to think clearly without any fear or any limits. It's a mind-expander, which is part of why it's illegal and why… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
My dad taught me swears when I was a toddler, and I saw, at a really early age, that if I shocked people, I… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
I thank God for creating gay men. Because if it wasn't for them, us fat women would have no one to dance with. — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
“I consider myself to be apretty good judge of people...That's why I don't like any of them.” — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
Sometimes for me not throwing a tantrum is what running a marathon or swimming the English Channel must be like for others of a… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
Here is my personal opinion about prostitution. If men knew how to do it, they wouldn't have to pay for it. — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
Finding a calm place inside myself through meditation kind of helped me to get over a lot of mental illness ... it's just been… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
