“I’ll tug at your breasts like a thirsty child. Try not to burn your nipples in my hot coffee. While you’re at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Coffee and donuts go together like government policy and subsequent poverty.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I laughed so hard I nearly spit out my hot tea. The strange part was the fact that I was drinking coffee… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One cup contains Starbucks coffee, and one holds diarrhea. But which is which? Drink it, and the one that doesn’t make you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I drink hot coffee in the summer, and iced coffee in the winter. I’m a contrarian, and contrary to popular belief I'm… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I tried to wear my shirt while it was still on the hanger. That’s just the kind of morning person I am… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The early morning is too strong to drink straight, so I need to mix in a little coffee to be able to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I drink coffee like a civilized man—alone in a cave, wearing a loincloth, and grunting in frustration because my club is too… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Starbucks has odd drink sizes. I say man’s hands were meant to be cupped, so pour the hot coffee right in. But… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I could either buy one missile, or 88,000 cups of coffee. Both would wake me up, but the coffee would also wake… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I would offer to meet up for some coffee, but I don’t drink coffee. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to burden you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I told the waitress I wanted some coffee. She asked if I wanted leaded of unleaded, so I had to leave the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My facial expression must have looked like a swarm of bees as I drank the hot brown liquid. Whatever it was, it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I saw a murder taking place, I almost didn’t have time to make coffee before stopping it. But thank God I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“But back to the coffee. I was here on a mission. I just spent nearly five bucks I didn’t have for some… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
