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Christmas Quotes by Dave Barry

9 Christmas quotes by Dave Barry

All Christmas quotes Dave Barry’s page

A brief, laugh‑inducing set that lets Barry’s comic perspective on the season shine through.

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My son, Rob…said the only time he ever wraps a gift is, quote, "if it's such a poor gift that I don't…

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Because of some defect in my motor skill, I can never COMPLETELY wrap [gifts]…If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the…

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Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved…

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We're deep into the holiday gift-giving season, as you can tell from the fact that everywhere you look, you see jolly old…

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Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by…

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... Once you're safely in the mall, you should tie your children to you with ropes so the other shoppers won't try…

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Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved…

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Many people have trouble sticking to their resolutions, and there is a simple scientific explanation for this. In 1987, a team of…

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In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews…

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This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat…

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This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes…

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The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That…

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The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.

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Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

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Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary…

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He was distracted by a giggle, and turned to see a rare sight: a girl.

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The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.

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If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things…

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Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you…

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“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people…

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Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.

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Never trust anything you read in a travel article.

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In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it…

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Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress.

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