My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had - I was ten years old when I found out Alpo was dog food. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you." — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either.… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
