This is Democratic bedrock: we don't let people lie in the ditch and drive past and pretend not to see them dying.… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Cursing is highly effective in person - someone kicks his car in rage, forgetting he's wearing flip-flops, flames pour from his mouth,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
People in cars cause accidents and accidents in cars cause people. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Spending time in a church does not make you religious, any more than spending time in a garage makes you a car. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Your car, comfort though it be, this little den and dining room on wheels, is a prison that deadens your senses, and… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
We carry adolescence around in our bodies all our lives. We get through the Car Crash Age alive and cruise through our… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
On investments, 1998: Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
