“Frank heard the glass of water thump on the stand that he now imagined might be beside the bed, which meant it… — Thomas Alton Gardner Copy Share Image
Sati is hilarious all the time. She has a great sense of humor. She knows she's funny, too. Like whenever she does… — Alyson Hannigan Copy Share Image
People hit the sauce in a big way all winter. Amidst blizzards they wrestle unsuccessfully with the dark comedy of their lives,… — Amy Gerstler Copy Share Image
“Is your future faery bride too ugly for you?” Rhys leaned back against the head rest and studied the seat back in… — Michelle Rowen Copy Share Image
“Ow! Shit!" She yelped, dropping the wand on the floor and clapping her hand over her eye, the one into which she'd… — Kendra Leigh Castle Copy Share Image
I think that if you're serving yourself before you're serving a story then that's where you end up being not funny. It's… — Zooey Deschanel Copy Share Image
“Let's start anew. Life is goals--Purpose-Attempts--Struggle-Dreams and Accomplishmenties. It sounds confusing (my fault), but it's actually simple.” — Eugene Mirman Copy Share Image
“Oh, come off it. That surly cunt is squirming like a snake.” “Could there be some sort of Freudian symbolism in your… — Stieg Larsson Copy Share Image
“I liked the idea of bouncy, open-air Jeeps and I liked the outfits with all the pockets, only I didn't really want… — Deb Caletti Copy Share Image
“Most would live into adulthood, as Patrick had. (Which meant there was quite a lot of competitiveness about it, with everybody wanting… — John Green Copy Share Image
There's a sort of magic and music to comedy. Some words, some numbers even, are funnier than others. A Caramac bar, for… — David Walliams Copy Share Image
“The fact is that camels are far more intelligent than dolphins. They are so much brighter that they soon realised that the… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
Ha ha ha, I like to joke, got a sense of humor? Still face, play me short like an oompa loompa. You… — Kendrick Lamar Copy Share Image
“Let me tell you something about me. I love vengeance like normal people love sunsets and long walks on the beach. I… — Laini Taylor Copy Share Image
My mom taught me the power of love. I learned to focus on the long-term big picture from my father. His sense… — Padmasree Warrior Copy Share Image
“I don't like jellyfish, they’re not a fish, they're just a blob. They don’t have eyes, fins or scales like a cod.… — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
A minibar is a machine that makes everything expensive. When I take something out of the minibar, I always fathom that I'll… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“When they ran up to him, Percy said, 'Hey,' like they were just meeting for lunch or something. 'You're alive!' Frank marveled.… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
“What we have here is a war—the war of matter and spirit. In the classical era, spirit was in harmony with matter.… — Giannina Braschi Copy Share Image
“Every host in Hollywood has made that mistake: “Let’s invite some comedy writers to the party! That’ll brighten things up.” Sure… till… — Robert McKee Copy Share Image
“Maybe it was easier if you knew your child was dead. It was a thought that stopped him in his tracks sometimes… — Nicole Trope Copy Share Image
“Okay, on my first night, he tried to chat me up. You know how the story goes. ‘You have the most beautiful… — Kyra Lennon Copy Share Image
Gintoki: Listen, I don’t care what you guys do around the universe. This is my sword, and anywhere it can reach is… — Hideaki Sorachi Copy Share Image
I think comedy directors tend to feel a need to justify the bad behavior, and I just never think that. I like… — Todd Phillips Copy Share Image
I certainly know guys in comedy, I know some actors, and I definitely know some musicians, who have survived to a certain… — Denis Leary Copy Share Image
“When the corpses of [Sir John] Franklin's officers and crew were later discovered, miles from their ships, the men were found to… — Anne Fadiman Copy Share Image
I think American guys tend to be a bit more forward, a bit more chatty and open than the Brits. The Brits… — Hayley Atwell Copy Share Image
“Mia: I was sixteen when I first realized my mom was more concerned about my appearance than I was… I’ll be talking… — Claire/Mia Fontaine Copy Share Image
“The thing about patience, I mean real patience, is that it is most needed when there is something you really want to… — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
“Late the fourth evening, Many Horses visited Maiden’s lodge. At first Loretta sensed that Hunter’s father was taking measure of her, and… — Catherine Anderson Copy Share Image
I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“In my country, terawatt globes are reserved for police helicopter chases and warning sailors of hazardous shoals. This is despite the fact… — David Thorne Copy Share Image
I've never sat down with the intent of trying to shock or anything like that; it just so happens that the sense… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
“I should need to be a herd of elephants, I thought, and a wilderness of spiders, desperately referring to the animals that… — Virginia Woolf Copy Share Image
I do not believe the homosexual community deserves minority status. One's misbehavior does not qualify him or her for minority status. Blacks,… — Jerry Falwell Copy Share Image
“Alessa looked at Brennus giving him a smirk. “Brennus.” “Alessa.” “Still think that you are the God’s gift to all faeries?” “Still… — B.C. Morin Copy Share Image
“That was the best Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson we've ever had, wasn't it?" said Ron... "He seems like a very… — J.K. Rowling Copy Share Image
“You want to know a secret?" "Always." "My real name is Dave." "I see." "This doesn't seem to amuse you." "I met… — Kate Griffin Copy Share Image
“The Tragallion pack wasn't exactly welcoming them with open arms ... All in all they were an angry, weary-looking group. Jace tucked… — Sarah McCarty Copy Share Image
“Apparently, he’d killed so many family members that he must have significantly affected the Lore’s population. Doing my part for the environment.” — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image