“He looked at the beautiful woman frowning up at him and his cock did nothing. His eyes shot back to Zoe and… — R.L. Mathewson Copy Share Image
“In primary school, sports day was the one day of the year when the less academically gifted students could triumph...As if a… — Gail Honeyman Copy Share Image
“Old enough to remember the arrival of 'Have a nice day', Patrick could only look with alarm on the hyperinflation of 'Have… — Edward St. Aubyn Copy Share Image
“He looks at me, the circle, then me again. “It’s really you, right? I didn’t create some simulacrum that was inhabited by… — Vaughn R. Demont Copy Share Image
Everybody said that a film that funny can't win because normally your Cannes winner will be something more serious. It's not very… — Claes Bang Copy Share Image
“And you're blind?" Uh-huh," Iggy said, trying to sound bored. Were you born that way?" No." How did you become blind, uh,… — James Patterson Copy Share Image
“I'm not sure whether that had to do with the humor, or with the unfashionable fairy-tale ending, which is very different from… — Jennifer Weiner Copy Share Image
“Noel ducked to the lower cabinets – a percussion of pots and pans clanged into each other. “Are you intentionally trying not… — Devon Ashley Copy Share Image
“Alright. You hate me, I'm not too fond of you. It's mutual..." he muttered, walking hesitantly toward the stallion, hand outstretched, "I… — Shanda Sharlow Copy Share Image
“The two sat quiet for a moment; Gabe unsure what to say to comfort his friend and Uri stewing in his own… — Wendy Owens Copy Share Image
I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. "What do you do?" "I'm a match maker" "Aw, that's really… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
...to speak of them out loud, to speak of their hunger and pain and loneliness and humour, to make them visible so… — Eve Ensler Copy Share Image
I guess I'm sort of spoiled because, most of the things that I get to do, people know that you're a good… — Matt Walsh Copy Share Image
“The priest then turning toward the bride, inquired: "Wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband, etc., etc., so long… — E.D.E.N. Southworth Copy Share Image
“Edwin’s creations landed hit or miss on the board and one miss a year ago ended with us heaving overboard for a… — Katherine McIntyre Copy Share Image
“There is a cookie trail of all my interests lodged in some digital sphere which will one day consolidate the collected data… — J. Lincoln Fenn Copy Share Image
“I sat with it, the porn still going, the load of hate now trickling down the side of my hip and I… — Eric Monsky Copy Share Image
“I don't understand women at all. Like how a women can pour boiling hot wax onto their upper thigh, then rip the… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I've been trying to get into comedy for years. I had a meeting with one of the networks a couple years ago,… — Natalie Zea Copy Share Image
Laughter is a way of really letting out all this pressure that you could face in your daily life in the suffering… — Hiam Abbass Copy Share Image
But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I want to do something challenging and I want to take risks, but above all, I want people to be entertained...Because the… — Shazia Mirza Copy Share Image
“Harold (about max): he looks kinda like a football couch Chester (sarcastically): Yay team rah rah. if he says anything athletic i'll… — James Howe Copy Share Image
The government are considering spending £3million on a state funeral for Margaret Thatcher when she dies. For £3million they could buy everyone… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I assured the prime minister, my administration will work hard to lay the foundation of peace in the Middle - to work… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
“I can't believe this is happening. The ghost stuff he handles without a problem. Discovering I was previously uncharted territory, that's grounds… — Phoenix Emrys Copy Share Image
“In trading Bitcoin and other commodities, everyone wants 1000% in a week, but can't handle 20% drop in a week. That's the… — Olawale Daniel Copy Share Image
Whether it's corporate investigations or comedy, there are certain inherent truths to trying to get what you want while trying to be… — Nick Kroll Copy Share Image
“That's all right," said the Scarecrow. "You are quite welcome to take my head off, as long as it will be a… — L. Frank Baum Copy Share Image
What I'm doing when I'm doing my speaking engagements is that I'm delivering serious material with humor. So, instead of delivering humor… — Andy Andrews Copy Share Image
“Yeah, well, that won’t matter if your throat starts swelling and you die in my passenger seat.” That could happen with an… — Katee Robert Copy Share Image
I was doing stand up comedy when I was 11, that's how I got started; not because I wanted to do comedy,… — Shia LaBeouf Copy Share Image
“Kit," said a female voice, "what's wrong with the fridge? All the food's gone. No, wait, there's a really ugly alien in… — Diane Duane Copy Share Image
I always just like to do good stuff, and I'm very, very lucky that I do almost everything. I do theatre, radio,… — Ralph Ineson Copy Share Image
“I don't know what you mean by 'glory,' " Alice said. Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. "Of course you don't—till I tell you. I… — Lewis Carroll Copy Share Image
“Despite her unrepentant aversion to Italian food, which her husband put down to her nation's historic distrust of Italy, she suddenly declared:… — Julia Stuart Copy Share Image
“Reiko set the ball on the ground and patted my knee. "Look," she said, "I'm not telling you to stop sleeping with… — Haruki Murakami Copy Share Image
I saw this train driver and said, 'I wanna go to Paris.' He said, 'Eurostar?' I said, 'Well I've been on telly… — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
“I often think publishing a book is like doing a poo. Once it's ready for the world, you have to relinquish that… — H.O. Charles Copy Share Image
In the stand-up comedy top, there's room for everyone - if you're good, there's room for everyone. You'll put on your own… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
