“I'm fairly certain that, at this very minute, the [Mars Polar Lander] is floating somewhere around the Neptune feeling tired and cranky… — Celia Rivenbark Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Gun-control people have to stop pressuring Starbucks to ban guns. I want my gun nuts overcaffeinated, twitchy, and accident-prone. That… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
It seems like it has kind of taken off where people are saying 'oh it's a female character' and it just kind… — Eiji Aonuma Copy Share Image
“Me too, Arch,” Jeremiah said. “I want an answer about my request to transfer. Even now, my balls are shrinking in anticipation… — Rose Wynters Copy Share Image
“Humor as a system of communications and as a probe of our environment—of what's really going on—affords us our most appealing anti-environmental… — Marshall McLuhan Copy Share Image
“One act presses upon another, on a path we have no choice but to follow, and each time there are reasons. We… — Joe Abercrombie Copy Share Image
“We’re not talking about you. You’re Braith of the Darkness. I’m Addolgar the Cheerful. I’ve earned this name, and you’re ruining it… — G.A. Aiken Copy Share Image
One of the artists I most admire is David Lee Roth. I think his combination of humor, glamour, sex and energy is… — Andrew Ridgeley Copy Share Image
I feel that nasal spray is a wondrous medical achievement, because it is supposed to relieve nasal congestion, and by gadfrey, it… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“What the hell are you doing here? You weren't on the guest list. Hell, you people aren't on anybody's guest list. If… — Simon R. Green Copy Share Image
“Don't destroy Half-Blood while we're gone," was Chiron's parting instruction. Argus pointed two fingers at his eyes and then at us. This… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
I think, a lot of times when you do a comedy show, people will turn out for a name they know. So,… — Wyatt Cenac Copy Share Image
When it comes to English stand-up comedy, Indians have only seen the best - Jerry Seinfeld, Bill Cosby and the like. So,… — Vir Das Copy Share Image
“Many collectors died in process of searching for new species, and despite persistent reports that the men died from drowning, gunshot and… — Eric Hansen Copy Share Image
Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey taxi." Two is "What train do… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
“What I'm putting forth," he said, "is that the four of us make some memories, become fast friends and abandon starchy old… — George Saunders Copy Share Image
Cervantes is the most important Spanish writer. But he is not the most representative of the Spanish. His irony, his sense of… — Antonio Munoz Molina Copy Share Image
“ 'Tragedy admires man. Comedy feels a bit sorry for him.' We think we are kings or queens, masters of the universe… — Debbie Blue Copy Share Image
“Enough. You're going to make yourself sick." He clasped her hand to help her up. She reluctantly let him. "But I haven't… — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image
“I don’t know why religious zealots have this compulsion to try to convert everyone who passes before them – I don’t go… — Bill Bryson Copy Share Image
Really dark times bring out this need for humour. Even if it's very dark humour, it's still bringing out some kind of… — Sophie Thatcher Copy Share Image
I'll probably stick to comedy for the time being. I mean, a great piece of work is a great piece of work,… — Jenna Elfman Copy Share Image
First off, I don't do self-deprecation comedy based on being fat. I would always talk about it honestly. Secondly, I don't care… — Jeff Garlin Copy Share Image
“With that, I hurled the slipper at him, not caring if I caused his decapitation. (I did not.) Marshaling what little dignity… — Catherine Gilbert Murdock Copy Share Image
The Washington State Supreme Court on Thursday announced a two-year suspension for a lawyer found having jailhouse sex with a triple murder… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
“That’s tough. Anything I can do?” “Just stay in play as my backup.” I nearly swerved the car off the road. “I’m… — Chloe Neill Copy Share Image
“Mom asked Dad "where is Mickey?" Dad said that the hogs are him, that's when the pot of beans went flying through… — Mickey R. Mullen Copy Share Image
You're never going to go. Why would you go? It's a disgusting place. It's always wet even when it's dry. There's nothing… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
“Sometimes you lie, Forest. Sometimes its the right thing to do." "I don't believe that, Ben." "And why is that?" "Because it… — Jonathan Evison Copy Share Image
“Above all else, he loves trilogies. There has never been a trilogy he didn't like, and if you don't understand why, I… — Patricia Lockwood Copy Share Image
“Wait a second, Carlie. You're not telling me you're letting Aunt Charlotte help you find a man for Clara? Are you serious?… — Lisa Smartt Copy Share Image
“I don't know why it is, but I've never been able to bear with fortitude anything in the shape of a kid… — P.G. Wodehouse Copy Share Image
“Well, that’s because they’re wrong and I’m right. No more reading for you. Let’s go get some ice cream.” “I don’t know… — Brandon Sanderson Copy Share Image
“Still it is true that many same-sex couples want nothing more than to join society as fully integrated socially responsible family-centered taxpaying… — Elizabeth Gilbert Copy Share Image
“No such private nights of ecstasy or hushed-up drinking and sex orgies ever occurred. They might have occurred if either General Dreedle… — Joseph Heller Copy Share Image
“Filial respect caused Grey to hesitate in passing ex post facto opinions on his mother's judgment, but after half an hour in… — Diana Gabaldon Copy Share Image
“Ari to Fleur: "I made plans for your glorious self." "Do they require nudity?" "Extensive. Prolonged." Fleur's smile was so wide he… — Patricia A. Knight Copy Share Image
“What is it to be witty, then?” “To say clever things.” “And what is cleverness?” “I …” Why was he having this… — Brandon Sanderson Copy Share Image
Granted, a lot has been made of Hillary Clintons sense of humor - her laugh is shrill, too many of her jokes… — Alex Wagner Copy Share Image
Comedy can reach many more people than, say, a serious lecture on the topic. And comedy might just be the access point… — Aasif Mandvi Copy Share Image
![“I'm fairly certain that, at this very minute, the [Mars Polar Lander] is floating somewhere around the Neptune feeling tired and cranky and looking for a Holiday Inn. Of course, you'd have to have a heart of titanium not to feel a twinge of sadness while watching those dejected NASA scientiest…” quote by Celia Rivenbark](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/fb9/celia-rivenbark-15261_bunch_i-m-fairly-certain-that-at-this-very-min_1449298.jpg)
