“How come he didn't notice it earlier? Ah, probably because it was behind Xera's back while her voluptuous breasts were, as expected,… — Neven Iliev Copy Share Image
“I was lying here watching Dr. Phil, who, by the way, has some anger management issues. Doesn't his wife Robin look like… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“Your hair is like butterflies,” Sebastian said, giggling like a child. “That’s nice,” Firen said impatiently. “Keep moving.” “Fantastic. I always like… — Laura Kreitzer Copy Share Image
“It was one of those decisions that shouldn't have been so easy to get so wrong. Go on your own or take… — Dylan Perry Copy Share Image
“We are all ignorant, no matter who you are. Its what we are ignorant about that gives us character, and lets us… — Damien Buerger Copy Share Image
My mom is very good at being passive-aggressive, and my Dad is a total wiseass, so I think the mixture of the… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
“[I hear phone sex can work], I sent, [but I kind of doubt text-sex would.] He sent me a picture shot down… — K.D. Sarge Copy Share Image
“Six months ago when she first came up with the idea to kill Wilson, back when she was living in Memphis, she'd… — Elizabeth Stuckey-French Copy Share Image
“Tugs used to think that everyone's name was in the dictionary, and when she had realized it was only hers, both Tugs… — Anne Ylvisaker Copy Share Image
Things have been invented because of alcohol. Like the taser, okay? Yeah! The morning after pill, okay? The reach-around. Judge Judy. What… — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
“I wish I had my beta-blockers handy. [ Comment when told that he had won a Nobel prize, referring to the drug… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel… — Henry James Sr Copy Share Image
“Please consult your child’s Witch doctor before using this product. Diapers may cause severe allergies, internal bleeding, and irreversible sex change.” — Kenya Wright Copy Share Image
It's funny, because I was trained as a dramatic actor at New York's Colonnades Theater Lab in the '70s, along with Jeff… — Peter Scolari Copy Share Image
“Lassiter hit pause and clamped a hard hand on his shoulder."Sit the fuck back. Watch and learn." "What? How much I hate… — J.R. Ward Copy Share Image
“She couldn't or simply wouldn't understand why I wanted to sleep all the time, and she was always rubbing my nose in… — Ottessa Moshfegh Copy Share Image
“Now I know thinking is not your strong suit, but look on the bright side, at least you'll have this little puzzler… — Jessica Verdi Copy Share Image
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said. Once again he was close. Too close. So damn close. “At all,” she… — Jill Shalvis Copy Share Image
“President Grant sent a note to Golden. The note read that there was a member of the stake presidency from Coalville, who… — James Kimball Copy Share Image
“That's No'-as-big-as-Medium-Sized-Jock-but-bigger-than-Wee-Jock-Jock, mistress,' said Not-as-big-as-Medium-Sized-Jock-but-bigger-than-Wee-Jock-Jock. 'Ye were one jock short,' he added helpfully.” — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
I do miss the rhythms of comedy. And I've never been able to perform very well without an audience. The sitcoms I've… — Dick Van Dyke Copy Share Image
“So, what you're saying is that I bring out your book - wielding, short tempered side?" He hooked his foot through the… — Lani Woodland Copy Share Image
“This is where the privileged send their screwed-up progeny; no gluing macaroni to construction paper for us." He paused meaningfully. "They only… — Michelle Hodkin Copy Share Image
“There is much in our culture to affront the eye of the fervent terrorist postulant, things out there that do us no… — David Rakoff Copy Share Image
“The Latin word for sausage was botulus, from which English gets two words. One of them is the lovely botuliform, which means… — Mark Forsyth Copy Share Image
“There are eight levels of wizardry on the Disc; after sixteen years Rincewind has failed to achieve even level one. In fact… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
Ah simple laughter that you trewing on my face. Is a simple karma that you will get for tomorrow.. Ah big clap… — Leodonessiony Copy Share Image
“At first, writing actually felt the more arduous of the two activities. But in order to reach cultural-center nirvana, I forced myself… — Yu Hua Copy Share Image
Vanity was the beginning and the end of Sir Walter Elliot's character; vanity of person and of situation. He had been remarkably… — Jane Austen Copy Share Image
“Late twenties, single, female. Do the math. Flirty flings were fabulous until you hit the big three-O, all downhill from there. Biological… — Nicola Marsh Copy Share Image
“A friend confided to me recently that she wasn't sure if it was the 'change,' plain old PMS, or just a slow… — Celia Rivenbark Copy Share Image
Voyeurism, watching people go about their daily lives, is universally funny, no matter the culture, no matter the anything, it's just always… — James Murray Copy Share Image
I look at my women with a Shakespearean element too - the variant of emotions they are capable of - it's not… — Miles Aldridge Copy Share Image
“Look, this is just the cemetery. It's got bylaws and things! It's not Transylvania! There's just dead people here! That doesn't make… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“You wouldn't think that people would believe that we all got so incredibly beat up—in so many interesting ways—from a bear attack.… — Kendare Blake Copy Share Image
“As he was forced to tell his father more than once, “I said I’d fight for my mother’s throne. I never said… — G.A. Aiken Copy Share Image
“I felt offended. So offended that I planned to ignore for the next few weeks the "friends" who'd sent me those pictures.… — Gabourey Sidibe Copy Share Image
“I only got to see three songs, Mac" "That does not entitle you to take home the lead singer, Jody" "I know"… — C.J. Skuse Copy Share Image
I've got a lot of nervous energy and I trip a lot. I don't have a good equilibrium. In the places where… — Kristen Bell Copy Share Image
“Felicity laughs and takes on the tone of a fashionable lady. "Darling, the Bryn-Joneses have just done the most marvelous thing in… — Libba Bray Copy Share Image
![“I was lying here watching Dr. Phil, who, by the way, has some anger management issues. Doesn't his wife Robin look like she's been hypnotized? I feel like he goes home and beats her. The guy's an egomaniac and he's not doing a very [sic] job of covering it up by pretending to be interested in…” quote by Chelsea Handler](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/882/chelsea-handler-887_anger-management_i-was-lying-here-watching-dr-phil-who-by_2376624.png)
![“[I hear phone sex can work], I sent, [but I kind of doubt text-sex would.] He sent me a picture shot down his pants. I snickered and sent him a picture of my mouth. [autehigixuhi&^%$], he sent back. Then, [yeah, phone sex not satisfying. Also I think I dick-dialed Kentucky.]” quote by K.D. Sarge](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/f8f/k-d-sarge-56640_humor_i-hear-phone-sex-can-work-i-sent-but-i-k_2129089.jpg)
![“I wish I had my beta-blockers handy. [ Comment when told that he had won a Nobel prize, referring to the drug he discovered for the treatment of heart disease .]” quote by Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/0f6/anonymous-1_beta-blockers_i-wish-i-had-my-beta-blockers-handy-comm_2565885.jpg)
