Humor Quotes · Page 175

Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? nevermind, you'll never get it...

— Anonymous

More people are going out to comedy shows than they were before.

— Jimmy Carr

“Cover your butt. Bernard is watching.”

— Orson Scott Card

Hardest thing ever. Controlling your laughter at serious times..

— Anonymous

Tony Gwynn, the fat batter behind Finley, is waiting.

— Jerry Coleman

“Now is the time to make circles with mints. Do not haste any longer.”

— Ripley's B.I.O.N

Good humor pokes fun at the powerful — not the weak.

— Mitali Perkins

“Erik Satie died on July 1, 1925; his last words were 'Ah, the cows...”

— John Richardson

It is the saying of an ancient sage that humor was the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor.

— Anonymous

“You freaking bit me," I said, my voice hoarse. "You're lucky I don't call animal control.”

— Jayde Scott

The winds are nothing else but good or bad spirits. Hark! how the Devil is puffing and blowing.

— Martin Luther

It's very important for folks to understand that when there's more trade, there's more commerce.

— George W. Bush

“Katsa, only you would consider the collapse of the ceiling a good joke.”

— Kristin Cashore

From my dad ... I think we have a similar sense of humor. I don't know if that's a good or bad…

— Jenna Bush

I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day... Chlamydia.

— Frankie Boyle

“People need irony in order to build interpersonal trust based on self-knowledge, humor and critical thinking.”

— Hanzi Freinacht

“I don't want any part of this. The whole thing kinda freaked me out. I'm sure girls always do what you tell…

— Lani Woodland

I said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful," and he said, "Because it…

— Bill Cosby

I think we should only get 3 honks a month on the car horn. Then, someone cuts you off, you press the…

— Mitch Hedberg

“That will suffice," Jackaby grumbled loudly from behind me. "Yes, yes. You are young and your love is a hot biscuit and…

— William Ritter

You either have chemistry or you don't, but a lot of what attracts me is a guy's mind and humor and talent.…

— Nina Dobrev

Trump's hobbled vocabulary is now the incontestable stuff of comedy: not just how few his words but how narrow their range, from…

— Howard Jacobson

“Hey!" Lauren Moffat's voice, sounding noticeably irritated, floated up to us. "What-ew! What's in my hair?" We all three ducked beneath our…

— Meg Cabot

“We are but the veriest, sorriest slaves of our stomach.  Reach not after morality and righteousness, my friends; watch vigilantly your stomach,…

— Jerome K. Jerome

Comedy can be very freeing. Laughter truly is the best medicine.

— Christina Applegate

To me, humor is part of a conversation with an audience.

— Scott Avett

“A teleporting cat! Is she yours?" Dr. Daniel McCleod. "Suki”

— Ellen Dawn Benefield

I overthink everything except for maybe when...

— Rock Cowles

Genuine laughter is true eloquence and more effective than speech

— Mahatma Gandhi

“I’m going crazy, Louis thought wonderingly. Wheeeeee!”

— Stephen King

“If I only had a nickel; I'd spend it on a dime.”

— Tim Wayne

An uncontrolled sense of humor is often costly in business.

— William Feather

Comedy has to have momentum in order for it to keep moving along.

— Rose Byrne

“If you find yourself cutting corners, go in a circle instead”

— Benny Bellamacina

“Me gusta la Feria del Libro, es como ir a la cancha”

— Anonymous

“For unto you is given this day a boot to the head.”

— Adam Sternbergh

I like comedy, I mean, in all forms.

— Paul Mooney

I confirmed to the prime minister that we appreciate our friendship.

— George W. Bush

I think great humor lies in playing the truth of a situation.

— Brendan Coyle

“Sometimes I sets and thinks, and sometimes I just sets.”

— Theodore Sturgeon