“The truth is what we say it is...prove to me this desk is not a cow!” — Ray S. Jones Copy Share Image
“Not a fork...not a spoon...a fpoon. what will you Germans think of next?” — Key pelle Copy Share Image
Things I've learned in school: if the homework is study or read...you don't have any homework. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Religious humor is not really my area, so I probably wouldn't do anything about that, or politics or something. — Chris Lilley Copy Share Image
It's the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I mean, so what if it's a little dangerous? A one-armed kid is comedy gold. — Zach Braff Copy Share Image
“I would describe the size and style of our vessel, but I don’t know anything about sailing, so I’m trusting you to… — Anna Kendrick Copy Share Image
Comedy is an escape, not from truth but from despair; a narrow escape into faith. — Christopher Fry Copy Share Image
“In 1881, being on a visit to Boston, my wife and I found ourselves in the Parker House with the Ingersoll 's,… — Moncure Daniel Conway Copy Share Image
I'm trying to think of a witty comeback, when Boggs says brusquely, “Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just… — Suzanne Collins Copy Share Image
People think that I can just walk into a room and get a job, but of the 200 interviews and auditions I… — Oona Chaplin Copy Share Image
“Holy shit!” Moondance swung around, her face now streaked with the ashy remains of the nephilim, her eyes wide at the sight… — Carol Goodman Copy Share Image
The Comedy Central CDs combined with the TV specials are what led to my stuff being traded and passed around, and a… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
My father was an electrical engineer who worked at Westinghouse in Pittsburgh. When I was growing up, my mother wrote humor columns… — Jason Kilar Copy Share Image
Never say, I CAN'T, not even joking because the subconscious mind does not recognize humor. It will take the message seriously, it… — Wandini Copy Share Image
All the people I looked up to - Roseanne, Tim Allen, and Jerry Seinfeld - were stand-up comedians who used humor to… — Retta Copy Share Image
I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
There is a mandate to impose a voluntary return to traditional values. — Ronald Reagan Copy Share Image
