Humor Quotes by Bill Cosby

Laughter brings out the child in all of us.

— Bill Cosby

My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.

— Bill Cosby

The weatherman is always right. It's just his timing that's off.

— Bill Cosby

Why do I have to feed the kids? They just ate twelve hours ago!

— Bill Cosby

If you can find humour in anything, you can survive it

— Bill Cosby

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers.

— Bill Cosby

You come to my comedy show to be entertained.

— Bill Cosby

“A pelican that is wet walks with a gaited limp, and the dry fish swims alone.”

— Bill Cosby

I don't see much comedy in the Bible, where people are writing about funny people. It's not there.

— Bill Cosby

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

— Bill Cosby

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to…

— Bill Cosby

“You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can fi nd humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.”

— Bill Cosby

The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same…

— Bill Cosby

After creating the heaven, the earth, the ocean, and the entire animal kingdom, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing…

— Bill Cosby

My father walked to school 4 o'clock every morning with no shoes on, uphill, both ways, in 5 feet of snow and…

— Bill Cosby

My mother comes in my room and says, "Just look at this mess! This is a pig sty!" Now, I've already been…

— Bill Cosby

I love it when mothers get so mad they can't remember your name. "Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga... what is…

— Bill Cosby

My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, “You know, I brought you…

— Bill Cosby

I said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful," and he said, "Because it…

— Bill Cosby

I feel that in-person contact with people is the most important thing in comedy. While I'm up on stage, I can actually…

— Bill Cosby

Anyone should be able to say on stage what they want. But those who have knowledge, do understand that certain things on…

— Bill Cosby

Racial humor was about 35% of my act when I first started. But I realized that it was a crutch. What brought…

— Bill Cosby

A person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" and they say, "Because a child is…

— Bill Cosby

Now, this is the fun part about getting stoned. They get stoned, then they become paranoid. Now, when they started out, they…

— Bill Cosby

We spoke to God about the children, and we were afraid to ask God for specific things. We thought that it might…

— Bill Cosby

When you're a father you censor yourself. You get just as angry with a child but you don't want to say, "What…

— Bill Cosby

The only thing that you can get into without a lot of trouble is a lot of trouble.

— Bill Cosby

You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them.

— Bill Cosby

My wife was a beautiful woman before we had children.

— Bill Cosby

The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.

— Bill Cosby

Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair and the first…

— Bill Cosby

Women dont want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think in a deeper voice.

— Bill Cosby

The three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love.

— Bill Cosby

If the audience knows you can be funny when you want to be, they will be willing to wait for that payoff.

— Bill Cosby

"And tired" always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "I am just sick..." And I…

— Bill Cosby

I once asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic. He told me how he once killed a grizzly bear…

— Bill Cosby

George Carlin is brilliant with words, and Johnny Winters is very creative. It's taking something common and drawing out the humor, being…

— Bill Cosby

'The Cosby Show' made an impact on comedy, television and culture. We rejected lowering the bar.

— Bill Cosby

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful…

— Bill Cosby

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.

— Bill Cosby