They're always going, don't deal with terrorists. Let's deal with them. What's Allah offering you boys, 100 virgins? We'll give you 50 slags. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
“By God, you Assassins are a cheery bunch, eh? All frowns and furrowed brows.” He glared at me. “Captain Kenway. You have… — Oliver Bowden Copy Share Image
Well, first you have to be very, very funny. I have realized that it is essential for a boy to be funny.… — Jaclyn Moriarty Copy Share Image
It's funny: there's this idea where Kenny is only good because he can do what he wants, and he gets time. Well,… — Kenny Omega Copy Share Image
I'm just trying to be funny, trying to make people laugh, and trying to make the world a better place through some… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
“Cages, spanking benches, sawhorses, bondage tables. Scene after scene. Throaty moans, high screams, whining, whimpering, and groaning. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. All… — Cherise Sinclair Copy Share Image
The 'Hey now's' are delivered as people pass me. As I just get near ear range, I hear, 'Hey now!' and that's… — Jeffrey Tambor Copy Share Image
Guys are like yellow Starbursts, they look good from the outside but when you get a little deeper, they make you want… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I fixed your car," he said, tossing the keys from a jade dish on the little maple end table. I palmed them… — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
Strange questions are the more interesting ones. Children by and large don't try to trip you up... they want to find out… — Michael Morpurgo Copy Share Image
'Benidorm' is such a great show. There's nothing else like it. You might think the characters are far-fetched, but then you get… — Sheridan Smith Copy Share Image
I had a bully as a kid. He was dyslexic, so he used to stick Me Kick signs on my back. Then… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
In my experience, it's not just that serious books get a hearing on comedy shows. But serious books get a serious hearing,… — Michael Mandelbaum Copy Share Image
Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“Cardan glances toward me, as though for help. When I am silent, he frowns, annoyed with both of us. 'Although I am… — Holly Black Copy Share Image
“Once a Buddha, always a Buddha, Sam. Dust off some of your old parables. You have about fifteen minutes.' Sam held out… — Roger Zelazny Copy Share Image
The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
The whimsicalness of our own humor is a thousand times more fickle and unaccountable than what we blame so much in fortune. — Francois de La Rochefoucauld Copy Share Image
“I hate Risk. I have for many years now. I hate that you still like Risk. I hate that you guilt me… — Colin Nissan Copy Share Image
Disneyland is such a big thing to Californians, I discovered that when you cross the border you have to raise your right… — Jack Paar Copy Share Image
My music has to be funny and sad and happy and loving; it's gotta have it all. When somebody's just too dark… — Kurt Vile Copy Share Image
“People are funny. They look down from all sorts of heights and then if the looking down has no effect they get… — john mcgahern Copy Share Image
...Everyone has their own sound, and if you're heard enough, folks will come to recognize it. Style however, is a different thing.… — Chet Atkins Copy Share Image
“Now, can I help you with something? I’m new, but I’ll do my best to figure out how to get what you… — Cherise Sinclair Copy Share Image
I'm not actually motivated by trying to help anyone or make other people go to therapy. My only aim is that people… — Simon Amstell Copy Share Image
Bad television is three things: a bullet train to a morally bankrupt youth, a slow spiral into an intellectual void, and of… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
There are so many funny women in the world, and there has been for so many years, so I'll be happy when… — Kristen Wiig Copy Share Image
If you lived with a roommate as unstable as this economic system, you would’ve moved out or demanded that your roommate get… — Richard D. Wolff Copy Share Image
I will say this about the truth - that it's one of those crisis rules, whether you are a client or someone… — Judy Smith Copy Share Image
Seriously I dont know when exactly the ufo landed and dumped all these stupid people but they apparently arent coming back for… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We are extremely proud of our 'ABC funny' brand. We think that we have a very distinctive brand of family comedies. — Channing Dungey Copy Share Image
“Instead of fixing the econamy, U.S. "Presedent" (recount pls) Bary Obame is back in the Ovel Office. Hes sitting on the sofa… — Seinfeld 2000 Copy Share Image
Funny sentence written on the T-shirt of a Beautiful Girl walking on side of the road:.., you are not looking at the… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Borrow your wife's pink slippers just to go check the mail and everybody in the whole damn community will stop by to… — Donny Norris Copy Share Image
When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have… — Matt Groening Copy Share Image
A transposable aphorism is a malaise of the urge to be witty, or in other words, a maxim that is untroubled by… — Umberto Eco Copy Share Image
Yes, we do defend our office as we do defend our homes. This is a constitutional right everybody has, and nothing's funny… — Fred Hampton Copy Share Image
I live near a remedial school. There is a sign that says, slow... children. That can't be good for their self esteem.… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very… — Milton Jones Copy Share Image
I would say I was not working in the real sense in 'Paiyaa.' After doing very heavy scenes in my first two… — Karthi Copy Share Image
