3 Things I know about you: 1) You cannot say P without your lips touching 2) You just tried 3) Youre now smiling and Sharing this — Ronde Dawson Copy Share Image
“Easy for you to say. You're the one who got plowed. I was doing the plowing." Cam's mouth opened. Oh my God,… — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
It's funny how a hello is always accompanied with a goodbye. It's funny how good memories can make you cry, it's funny… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear ugly people, if you ever feel that you hate your life, don't worry, you are not alone. I hate your life… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Age has extremely little to do with anything that matters. The difference between one age and other is, as a rule, enormously… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've never been in love with Marcello [Mastroianni]. I wasn't even attracted to him physically. I admired him. I followed him and… — Giovanna Cau Copy Share Image
In the '80s, it was difficult and frustrating to appear in the theater and TV again, even though I had some successful… — David Cassidy Copy Share Image
If a girl asks you a question, its better to just tell her the truth, chances are she's asking you because she… — Scarlet Kim Copy Share Image
“He watched in awe as she stacked up an enormous armload of music. "There," she finished, slapping Frank Zappa's Greatest Hits on… — Gordon Korman Copy Share Image
Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will u please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Those really long car rides with your family and you just blast your iPod, look out the window,and block out the world. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
People get burned out in big families, you can even see it in the naming of children. Like the first kid, "You… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I applied the same mentality to my social media as I did when I was doing my boot camps. I thought, well,… — Joe Wicks Copy Share Image
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world & all to yourself? Well, apparently… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I shot him a look. "That bouncer was really big." His lips quirked. "Oh, Kitten, see, I try not to say bad… — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
“She had no idea how long they kissed—and kissed—but she didn’t think about stopping until she ran out of air. Breathing hard,… — Jill Shalvis Copy Share Image
“Bryan helped me up. "How can you be so good one minute then clumsy the next?" I shrugged. "I've never been very… — John Corwin Copy Share Image
Anybody can make jokes. But unless they come from conviction, and there's truth in them, you haven't nailed it. They aren't as… — Dan Jenkins Copy Share Image
Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Will Ferrell and Tracy Morgan. I loved, loved, loved watching them. Tracy was always so funny, and then… — Ego Nwodim Copy Share Image
When I was doing ensemble theater and comedy work, I felt I had some talents. But when I started doing my shows… — Whoopi Goldberg Copy Share Image
Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I'm not saying I am Batman, I am just saying that no one has ever seen me and Batman in the same… — Nishan Singh Copy Share Image
I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody. It was a Chinese restaurant. I said to this… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
I've seen the Tortilla Guy hashtag when I'm going through my Instagram and all of that and I think it's pretty funny.… — Jim Root Copy Share Image
I now have absolute proof that smoking even one marijuana cigarette is equal in brain damage to being on Bikini Island during… — Ronald Reagan Copy Share Image
Newtons law of love: Love can neither be created nor be destroyed. Only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another with… — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
The doctor:it doesn't have stabilizers river: the blue switches. the doctor: well the blue switches don't do anything. they're just blue river:… — The Doctor & River Song Copy Share Image
“Whoever came up with the term “Funny Bone” must have been a masochist, because hitting it is not funny at all…” — Gary Hopkins Copy Share Image
“Care to explain?” Ari asked. “Didn’t you see my signals?” “Yeah. But they didn’t make sense. Five into one and it’s an… — Maria V. Snyder Copy Share Image
My girlfriend bought be a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I dont get too far ahead of her when she… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I will say, 'The Michael J. Fox Show' is funnier than 'Breaking Bad' - not that 'Breaking Bad' isn't funny, but this… — Betsy Brandt Copy Share Image
I always think any circumstances can be funny. Not that I'm irresponsible, but when things go wrong, I always come up with… — Brian Helgeland Copy Share Image
I really can't believe the price some women pay for sunglasses. I'm starting to think it'd be cheaper to get the kitchen… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
RULE101 Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you down with unmatched experience. — Coldheart Copy Share Image
I think that all the Mel Brooks' company of actors is just tremendous. It was a crazy group of genius people. All… — Brett Gelman Copy Share Image
Average women believe they need a man to feel wanted & loved. Real women are very desired, have self-love, & do just… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
So far China has won the most gold medals, ladies and gentlemen. The Chinese athletes can't wait to get home and show… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
I took dance from a very early age, although my first recital, I remember refusing to go onstage. I think I was… — Phillipa Soo Copy Share Image
“Marg muttered something under her breath. It was either “Who does he think he is?” or “I hope he has no kids.”… — Finn Eccleston Copy Share Image
I would recommend to those persons who are inclined to stagnate, whose blood is beginning to thicken sluggishly in their veins, to… — Elizabeth von Arnim Copy Share Image