Bubbli got caugt on date on Independance day . Major Rohail- What is this? . Bubbli- Dad today is freedom day, so… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I nearly had a cakegasm at the table. My eyes rolled back in my head, and I moaned. "Sweet Christ." I opened… — Chelsea M. Cameron Copy Share Image
I really don't work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
You do remember things that people say in movies. You remember particular lines and things that are funny. But, you also remember… — Miranda Otto Copy Share Image
DEMOCRACY You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to pay… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When you are sad, to cheer up just go to the mirror and say, 'Damn I am really so cute' and you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I guess I'm pleased and proud of the respect of my peers, and that when I disappear from the scene or from… — Robert Klein Copy Share Image
“The seer crow was outraged. "Mangiz does not forget an insult, hedgepig." Ambrose smiled cheekily. "Good, then here's a few more for… — Brian Jacques Copy Share Image
I always chose all my friends on whether they were funny. What's a better way to pass the time than laughing or… — Ricky Gervais Copy Share Image
“LEARN FROM THE MASTERS: Mark Twain once said, “Show, don’t tell.” This is an incredibly important lesson for writers to remember; never… — Colin Nissan Copy Share Image
The only thing I liked on HSN was Wolfgang Puck selling cookware. He was funny and engaging. He gave you recipes. Even… — Mindy Grossman Copy Share Image
It's very funny that I'm being appreciated for my dance moves because when I was young, I was made fun of, as… — Nora Fatehi Copy Share Image
“She was my friend because she was kind and funny but she had a face like two oysters fused together in a… — Andrew Hinkinson-Hodnett Copy Share Image
Bargaining is a repulsive habit; compromise is one of the highest human virtues - the difference between the two being that the… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
What am I supposed to do if I go bald? Get a wig? Fat, goofy, gay, wig. I might as well get… — Alan Carr Copy Share Image
“I like to skip prewriting. I love just jumping into the actual writing process. Then I revise/edit and fix what I need… — Nina Jean Slack Copy Share Image
“Bombs Away!" he yelled, swooping low over StregaSchloss. He saw little figures on the ground fleeing from the large green projectile that… — Debi Gliori Copy Share Image
In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Everyone has the right to live in a great place. More importantly, everyone has the right to contribute to making the place… — Fred Kent Copy Share Image
If the world were ruled by women then there would be no war...just couple of nations not talking with each other. — Mohammed Bhat Copy Share Image
It's funny how you can say performing is in the blood, and if I'm considered a performer being an actor, then it's… — Kelvin Fletcher Copy Share Image
A funny thing about near-future stories: the future catches up to them. If the author is unlucky, the future catches up faster… — Edward M. Lerner Copy Share Image
When I'm angry at my mom. . I don't yell I HATE YOU MOM! and nor do I slam the door .… — Ashish Basumatary Copy Share Image
I think its funny that when I go onstage to accept an award, they think Im nervous, uncomfortable, and awkward...and I am...but… — Kristen Stewart Copy Share Image
Comedy clubs have brick walls behind the performer. Bricks make you funny. When I'm in front of a fireplace, I'm hilarious. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Hello?... No I'm sorry no Shaquita here. Well what number did you dial?.. No it's a nine not a seven... Well try… — Katt Williams Copy Share Image
In music, you ain't really got to be able to sing. In comedy, you may be cute, you may be able to… — Amanda Seales Copy Share Image
“Jenna, standing in the doorway with her mouth and hand full of shelled pistachios, says, '"Real' is a dirty word in this… — Lauren DeStefano Copy Share Image
Ozzie Smith just made another play that I've never seen anyone else make before, and I've seen him make it more often… — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
If a man says you're ugly he's being mean. If a woman says you're ugly she's envious. If a little kid says… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Some days you just want to get dressed and go about your business. But if you're a woman, you can't, because there… — Deborah Tannen Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night. It wasn't until after you sold me the talking car, I realized you were… — Michael Summers Copy Share Image
I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I didn't realize how good I was with technology until I met my parents... my dad told me "You're good; you should… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
Sometimes its better to bunk a class & do fun with friends because today when I look back... Marks never make me… — Punkinhead Abhishek Copy Share Image
“Ben hid a wince behind his hand, trying very hard not to think of seventy-year-old Ellie Verstgard rolling around with Mr. Wenner.… — Victoria Dahl Copy Share Image
For enduring the bloodcurdling torture of my adolescent years I promise to always keep your electronics functional. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“He shrugged. “I have a stomach thing. Don’t get close.” “Well, now you’ve spoiled everything,” I said casually, working hard to fake… — Michelle Hodkin Copy Share Image
In at least one way we are atypical bloggers. That’s because we just keep on posting. The typical blogger, like most people… — Stephen J. Dubner Copy Share Image
“One thing I will say, they often take it better than a man. Pain, that is. Probably the residue of tolerance from… — Sarah Hall Copy Share Image
