“Shoving aside fear and self-doubt, I met his eyes, aiming for absolute confidence in both my stance and my voice. “My father… — Rachel Vincent Copy Share Image
I hate being tired in school and thinking I'm going to take a napas soon as I get home and then when… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Two women were talking. When I was young, I used to laugh when my mother crossed her legs when she had to… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Alex Rodriguez never gets clutch hits in October, yet his fans insist on comparing him to Babe Ruth. So A-Rod tries to… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“I’m late.” He blinked and glanced instinctively at his wrist, where he usually wore his watch. Despite her anxiety, Cali snickered. “Not… — Zannie Adams Copy Share Image
See, I don't really go after girls. Most of the girlfriends I've had have come after me. So it's really funny when… — Kellan Lutz Copy Share Image
Even in the worst depression, 25% of businesses are booming - in your industry find out what they’re doing and do it. — Mark Victor Hansen Copy Share Image
“I'm sorry I dumped my baggage in your lap.' A corner of his mouth turned up. 'You can dump your baggage in… — Sarah J. Maas Copy Share Image
Some people think Boss's Day is a just a way to try to get in good with the boss. I promise I… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?"… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
That moment when you have a really clever facebook status, and a family member comments on it and butcher's the whole thing. — Sean Tedford Copy Share Image
I think its funny when people say a female rapper is too sexually charged, maybe the way I do it is a… — Iggy Azalea Copy Share Image
I'm definitely not the caliber player that LeBron is, but I find it funny how people can criticize him and the way… — Jahlil Okafor Copy Share Image
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
It was a fine fall morning in Paris, crisp and clear, and Benji was quite full of himself, cavorting near the fountain,… — Joe Camp Copy Share Image
“This many pretty girls in the room, all watching you boys like you’re a wedding-reception one-night stand waiting to happen—” — Cristin Harber Copy Share Image
All knives and forks were working away at a rate that was quite alarming; very few words were spoken; and everybody seemed… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
I saw a man at the beach screaming, 'Help, shark, help!' I laughed because I knew the shark wasn't going to help… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“SUBJECT: Real original Dear Dark Assholes, I get the point. Showing me that you know how to log onto a computer and… — S.L. Jennings Copy Share Image
Now, I meant to talk about something else earlier on, and I've forgotten what it was. I've remembered what it is again,… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
It's not hard for me to be funny in front of people, but most of that is just horrified nerves taking the… — Lynda Barry Copy Share Image
I love being a dad, it keeps me fit and inspired and children are so funny. They always supply you with acting… — Wesley Snipes Copy Share Image
It's very funny because every time I make a movie, and I've heard this re-echoed by other filmmakers and actors I have… — Todd Haynes Copy Share Image
There's a lot of stupid men out there who feel like makeup is a betrayal of the truth, and that is so… — Katya Zamolodchikova Copy Share Image
“Then you should get changed,' he said, turning away. 'I'll get jealous if anyone else sees how pretty your legs are.” — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
I made $3,000 opening for the Neville Brothers, and they paid me in cash. That was a bad situation, because I bought… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
You know the funny thing, I don't get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor… — Donald Trump Copy Share Image
My previous assumption that you were a little bit off has been totally cleared up now that I realize you're just Canadian. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I performed for the U.S. troops in Guantanamo Bay. And signed autographs for people who've been gone from America for so long… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
“There’s nothing funny about war. Well, aside from this joke Orafoura told me: What did WWI say to WWII? I wish I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She'd been pounding her location and thoughts into a device that would send those things to virtually any human with Internet access… — Stefan Bourque Copy Share Image
1 ldki prfum lga k bus pe chadi. Ldke ne coment pas kiya. Aajkl phinel ka use kuch zyada h hota hai.… — Sadie Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Happy Hump Day and Happy Leap Day everyone! Put them together, and you get an odd conversation with your spouse. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you say it's definitely not there, I checked three times!!! and then it magically appears there. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
“Labor is a man crowning glory." "Not this man's." "I quote Marx" I raised my hands. The pickaxe handle had been rough.… — John Fowles Copy Share Image
“Yeah, Vi, unless Armageddon hit while i was fuckin' you this morning and we missed it, I'm thinkin' grocery stores still exist… — Kristen Ashley Copy Share Image
It's funny because from the time I was a kid, I knew what I was going to do. What's even funnier is… — Corey Harrison Copy Share Image
“Everything funny in a not-funny-at-all kind of way. Sarcasm as something you practiced like karate. Later concealing your mute fury when nobody… — Jonathan Lethem Copy Share Image
Volleyball is one of the most interactive games going. It is a game of intuition, imagination, improvisation - but most of all,… — Marv Dunphy Copy Share Image
