My dad is a really funny guy, and we would make jokes about my leukemia. When my friends would come over, we… — Vanessa Bayer Copy Share Image
I like Colbert because he's funny, and he's cool. He knows how to have fun and doesn't stick his nose up to… — Kimberly Guilfoyle Copy Share Image
Dear high school boys, your penis is not pinnochios nose, it doesn't get bigger everytime you lie about it's size. Sincerely, Reality — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Last time I cooked a hot meal, it was so nicely done that my neighbors had to wake me up... Just to… — Jeromy Shingongo Copy Share Image
“I'll ring for Mrs. Mullet," Feely said, reaching for a velvet pull that hung near the mantelpiece, and which probably hadn't been… — Alan Bradley Copy Share Image
There are quite a few very funny people in my life. You know those people who don't mean to be funny, they… — Tori Amos Copy Share Image
You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
A recent study announced that 52 per cent of all teens who sign virginity pledges recant them within twelve months. If I'm… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
I probably would have gone the M.F.A. route except I was a dad at 19, and it made more sense to go… — Jess Walter Copy Share Image
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
“He tends to go for girls who are-Shelby, honey? Put your hands over your ears for just a sec.” Back into the… — Robyn Carr Copy Share Image
“Sudenly Garge spring up and walk to the wall to admire some modarn art hanging on Frank and Estele Catandas wall. Hes… — Seinfeld 2000 Copy Share Image
Probably spending 12 years at boarding school - comedy became a survival gene. But I think some people are funny right off… — Eric Idle Copy Share Image
It's funny because my mom is not a singer at all, nor is my father. But I definitely get more of my… — Nadia Ali Copy Share Image
The Iraqi troops and the Iraqi fighters are in control of all the places, as we have witnessed, no big change in… — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
Each generation has been an education for us in different ways. The first child-with-bloody-nose was rushed to the emergency room. The fifth… — Art Linkletter Copy Share Image
I'm sorry I didn't get you a box of chocolates for Valentine's Day, but if you want something sweet I'm right here. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
So, Ladies. I want a logical explanation on why ya'll love these dreaded, tatted ,thugs , who have no future. Explain this… — Christian Heggs Copy Share Image
One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual. — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“First people lose their hair, then their vices, then their motivation. Then a toupee brings it all flowing back.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
I'm showbiz-fat. It's so funny, in all the reviews that I read, no one wants to use the word 'fat' as an… — Marissa Jaret Winokur Copy Share Image
Life is a funny thing, the minute you think you've got everything figured out something comes along and turns it all upside… — Zayn Malik Copy Share Image
“We really need to find a cure for stupidity, and fast! I've heard it's contagious...No wonder why there's so many of them.” — Analiza Micheal Copy Share Image
Niggas be wanting a girl who plays video games, watch sports & wear jordan's. Sounds like you want a boyfriend bro ahah...;) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I like cartoons. I like 'Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.' It's funny! It has things that kids wouldn't get. It's like, if… — David Archuleta Copy Share Image
It's funny, I see my dad in myself when I say certain things or I do certain things. I'll say, 'That was… — Philip Rivers Copy Share Image
To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two… — Ernest Hemingway Copy Share Image
Before the first atomic bomb test, scientists took the time to calculate whether the blast would ignite the nitrogen in Earth's atmosphere… — Dennis Overbye Copy Share Image
Nothing more clearly shows how little God esteems his gift to men of wealth, money, position and other worldly goods, than the… — Jean de la Bruyere Copy Share Image
Everybody who comes to my home has to play at least one set against me. I beat them all. The best thing… — Robin Van Persie Copy Share Image
Omgz hav!n such a gewd tiem wif mai bestiez, lolzzz!..Serio íusly? Take your keyboard and bash your head into it. -___- — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I loved being in the room with Mamet as a director - he is the most generous, funny, delightful person to work… — Richard Thomas Copy Share Image
“The mind likes a strange idea as little as the body likes a strange protein and resists it with similar energy. It… — Wilfred Trotter Copy Share Image
“Falco wagged her journal in front of her. "This is yours, I presume." A slow smile spread across his face. "Let's find… — Fiona Paul Copy Share Image
I don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite their friends who don't even have dogs.… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
When I was a child, I did swimming, running, ballet and even karate. But I got kicked out of karate class on… — Maria Sakkari Copy Share Image
“Where are you going this hot day, Mis’ DeJong?” Selina sat up very straight. “To Bagdad, Mrs. Pool.” “To — Where’s that? What for?”… — Edna Ferber Copy Share Image
I went out to dinner with a Marine last weekend. He looked across the table and he goes, "I could kill you… — Margaret Smith Copy Share Image
We often laughed at others in our house, and I picked up the craft of being polite while people were present and… — Muriel Spark Copy Share Image
Not that I don't think irreverent humor and someone being filthy is funny, I just do what I do. Any comedian would… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
![“You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they want to know whether they work or not.” quote by Andy Rooney](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/992/andy-rooney-1253_blame_you-really-can-t-blame-the-military-for_569232.png)
