I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“I hate when someone keep on asking me to guess even after I failed to crack twice!” — Nelson Jack Copy Share Image
I want to go on a shopping trip where I am the only one in the shopping mall and everything I want… — Mee Copy Share Image
I love how keyboard works, U and I are together , and your X is just so far away. :) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That WTF moment when you go to sleep and ZzzZzzZZzZ actually comes outta your mouth — Boat_Grandberry Copy Share Image
A Canadian is someone who keeps asking the question, 'What is a Canadian? — Irving Layton Copy Share Image
I love you more than anything in this world. I don't expect that will last. — Elvis Costello Copy Share Image
“A: Funny about my mother. All my life, from the time I was just a little kid, I thought of her as… — Robert Cormier Copy Share Image
The issue we are reluctant to talk about is even more sensitive than condoms. The issue - and I will try to… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I'm not offended. Lenny Bruce taught me that everything's funny. You can make everything funny. I don't think that assassinations are funny,… — Larry King Copy Share Image
If my kids were to make a talking doll of me as a mother, one of my recorded phrases would be 'I… — Justine Bateman Copy Share Image
One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I have no tolerance for dudes that cheat on their beautiful girlfriends for something that looks like it belongs in the zoo — Ana Chable Copy Share Image
You know, it's funny, I know a lot of people outside of football in different businesses, whatever it is. And they're in… — Joel Glazer Copy Share Image
I love how in scary movies how the person yells out hello as if the killer is gonna say yeah Im in… — Lars Propst Copy Share Image
We live in a generation where DELETING HISTORY is more important than CREATING HISTORY =D — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list? — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did. — Bette Davis Copy Share Image
The ultimate condition of production is therefore the reproduction of the conditions of production — Louis Althusser Copy Share Image
Authenticity is about where it comes from; validity is about whether it works. — John Michael Greer Copy Share Image
Babies are always more trouble than you thought and more wonderful. — Charles Osgood Copy Share Image
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm well aware when i've to use suck me or fuck me. Yea I'm classy like that! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It only seems as if you are doing something when you're worrying. — Lucy Maud Montgomery Copy Share Image
Find your place and hold it: find your work and do it. And put everything you've got into it. — Edward Bok Copy Share Image
All I care about is making jokes that are funny and making people laugh. — Joel McHale Copy Share Image
“My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.” — Dora J. Arod Copy Share Image
