I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. — Brooke Shields Copy Share Image
I try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face. — Johnny Depp Copy Share Image
You can only have as much love for yourself as you can express to others. — Brian Tracy Copy Share Image
When you're out of will power you call on stubbornness, that's the trick. — Henri Matisse Copy Share Image
I'm a fastidious sort of fellow, fond of watermelon and buckbrush nuts. — Edward Abbey Copy Share Image
“Personally, if I were trying to discourage people from smoking, my sign would be a little different. In fact, I might even… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Don't you just hate it, when you are in bed with three beautiful women, and the least attractive one whispers: save it… — Jim Carrey Copy Share Image
I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations… — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
People used to be funny about approaching me, but now they seem to think I'm as sane as anyone who's done what… — Philip Seymour Hoffman Copy Share Image
People who use their erudition to write for a learned minority... don't seem to me favored by fortune but rather to be… — Desiderius Erasmus Copy Share Image
When my tweet doesn't get RTed I whisper I don't care what they say. I'm in love with you & kiss the… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
If you are funny, people will like you. A lot of advertising is based on this simple rule. The Tory MP Boris… — Peter Hitchens Copy Share Image
I am happy to know that my husband regards me as a woman and a person. — Katherine Dunham Copy Share Image
I write funny. If I can make my wife laugh, I know I'm on the right track. — Gene Wilder Copy Share Image
Travel is like knowledge. The more you see, the more you know you haven’t seen. — Mark Hertsgaard Copy Share Image
A man is never so on trial as in the moment of excessive good fortune. — Lew Wallace Copy Share Image
The funny thing about having all this so-called success is that behind it is a certain horrible emptiness. — Sam Shepard Copy Share Image
A real man ends a relationship before he starts searching for another one. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
My goal is to show people that conservatives are funny. In fact, we're the rebels: we're 'Animal House.' — Gavin McInnes Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when you're pretending you're talking to someone on the phone and then it rings. — Brandon Samuel Copy Share Image
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad. — Cyberbilly Copy Share Image
Sometimes I like to glew my thumbs to my nipples and pretend I'm a T-rex. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
After I saw Jimmy [Hendrix] play, I just went home and wondered what the f*** I was going to do with my… — Jeff Beck Copy Share Image
There's always faith... Faith that whatever the other is doing, it's for a good reason. — Peter Burke Copy Share Image
“That's the problem with best friends. Sometimes they know you better than you know yourself.” — Cecily von Ziegesar Copy Share Image
You are the Powerful person only when., your Presence can decrease or increase someones Heartbeat.!!! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It's time we did something to assert ourselves. After all, we do comprise 10% of the population. — Allen Ginsberg Copy Share Image
A translator is to be like his author; it is not his business to excel him. — Samuel Johnson Copy Share Image
![“After I saw Jimmy [Hendrix] play, I just went home and wondered what the f*** I was going to do with my life.” quote by Jeff Beck](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/051/jeff-beck-10185_funny_after-i-saw-jimmy-hendrix-play-i-just-we_1499248.jpg)
