A BLOND AND A BRUNETTE WALK IN TO A WALL YOU THINK ONE OF THEM WOULD OF SAW IT. — LILY Copy Share Image
“If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you really are.” — H.N. Turteltaub Copy Share Image
One shouldn't go to the woods looking for something, but rather to see what is there. — John Cage Copy Share Image
If a girl takes the time to straighten her hair and you don't fall in love with her you're an asshole. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Meanings of all songs come after they are recorded. Someone else has to interpret them — John Lennon Copy Share Image
There's so many funny things to say about being with Charlotte. I've worked on a few bits about it - not to… — Gad Elmaleh Copy Share Image
I hate when people assume I'm crazy & delusional rather than brave when I'm out fighting crime in my Superman costume. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Your crush comes online. You: omg omg omg his online ahh :) *you chat him* Hi Facebook: This person is offline you… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It was funny, a lot of people who rejected me as a player, later said, 'Oh, we did it to help you.'… — Cafu Copy Share Image
Bahu ke 1-2 afair sunkar PATI ne jaan de di 3-4 afair sunkar SASUR ne jaan de di. Lekin SAAS chup rahi… — Sadie Copy Share Image
“It's empty." Duane swore harsh enough to make a sailor blush, calling into question not only the suspect's parentage, but that somehow… — Andrew Grey Copy Share Image
A funny thing happens when you go to another country or invest in a company from another country. Suddenly everyone in that… — Michael Seibel Copy Share Image
That awkard moment ,while a lunch with important people,Suddenly,you drop coke on your new clothes -.- — Green Monk Copy Share Image
A girl prepares your fridge football season. The woman just wants you on her tight end. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm a big fan of reality shows. I thought the first one, Dukes of Hazzard, captured white people perfectly. — George Lopez Copy Share Image
I now see that it is possible that I can receive a fair trial even with Americans as jurors, — Zacarias Moussaoui Copy Share Image
You can't change Washington from the inside, you can only change it from the outside. — Barack Obama Copy Share Image
I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? — SangFroid Stalker Copy Share Image
I find it very difficult to be funny, it's much easier to do tragedy than it is to do comedy. — Eric Drooker Copy Share Image
Just be. Let your true nature emerge. Don't disturb your mind with seeking. — Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj Copy Share Image
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
You cannot stand anywhere in the universe that is outside of yourself. — Deepak Chopra Copy Share Image
That moment when someone says Name a good song and you forget all the songs that were ever made — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Nerd style of flirting: I wish I could select all your clothes and press delete — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My father was always a straight-up funny guy. He was silly. He was my inspiration. — Mike Myers Copy Share Image
