Funny Quotes · Page 823

“I like gross generalizations...I also like disgusting specifics!”

— Josh Stern

Sometimes its not the person you miss, it's the feeling you had when you were with them.

— Anonymous

An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'

— Anonymous

I hate knowing that I care more about other people than other people will ever care about me

— Nikhil Saluja

I will create value for society, rather than extract it.

— John C. Bogle

When one is traveling, everything looks brighter and lovelier.

— Catherynne M. Valente

That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk has to explain what he was doing to the cow.

— Anonymous

I feel really lucky that I got to meet a lot of really smart, funny, kind people early on.

— Rachel Sennott

The best criticism is the sort that tells you what you already know but had been reluctant to accuse yourself of.

— J. D. McClatchy

I don't have a past. I have a continuous present. The past is part of the present, just as the future is.…

— George Balanchine

I'm not a big prank guy, because I don't like them done to me. I've been on movies sets where one guys…

— Terry Crews

Most of you are familiar with the virtues of a programmer. There are three, of course: laziness, impatience, and hubris.

— Larry Wall

There are many comics around who don't really have a feel for comedy. They can say outrageous things, have clever thoughts, and…

— Ronnie Corbett

“What are you doing now, you lazy drunken obscene unsayable son of an unnameable unmarried gipsy obscenity? What are you doing?”

— Ernest Hemingway

It's just funny because I think a long time back I was not a fan favorite at all, and now people have…

— Ben Askren

One night I went to this comedy club and paid a hard-earned $5 to get in, and every comic that came up…

— Eddie Griffin

Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating salad.

— Punkinhead Abhishek

Yes, I dance in my car. Yes, I see you staring at me. No, I do not care.

— Anonymous

I am interested in telling my particular truth as I have seen it.

— Gwendolyn Brooks

There is nothing that makes me happier than making a child smile.

— Keith Haring

He gives twice who gives quickly. credited to Publius Syrus Mimus.

— Joaquin Miller

Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.

— Steven Wright

It's the fastest who gets paid, and it's the fastest who gets laid.

— Aristotle

There's a hard shot to LeMaster, he throws Madlock into the dugout.

— Jerry Coleman

We are living at the beginning of the humanization of business.

— Gary Vaynerchuk

People on a diet should have a salad dressing called 250 Islands.

— Nikhil Saluja

That was perfect. It was just the opposite from what I said yesterday.

— Eugene Ormandy

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars

— Anonymous

Many people are alive only because its illegal to shoot them…Sometimes there is some SENSE in NONSENSE.

— Anonymous

Books so special and rare and yours that advertising your affection feels like a betrayal.

— John Green

A real cop fights real crime. A vice cop's only job is to ruin the party.

— Doug Stanhope

I love everybody...!!! Some I love to be around, some I love 2 avoid, and others I love to punch in the face…

— Anonymous

It's not where you start but where you finish that counts.

— Zig Ziglar

[Ulysses is] the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.

— Virginia Woolf

I am going to meet everyone, including the KLA, to find out what they think.

— Ibrahim Rugova

If the climate were a bank, they would already have saved it.

— Hugo Chavez

I just say whatever I want to whoever I want whenever I want wherever I want however I want.

— Eminem

Three Things to Prevent... Laziness, Falsehood and Slander.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't let the good things of life rob you of the best things!

— Maltbie Davenport Babcock

The two women exchanged the type of glance women use when there is no knife handy.

— Sydney Smith