Be careful of how you treat people. What you do to others has a funny way of coming back to you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why didn't you reply to my text? dude, how am I suppose to reply to lol? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Never argue with an idiot. People watching won't be able to tell the difference — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Leader, bandits at 2 o'clock! Roger; it's only 1:30 now-what'll I do 'til then? — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
If Twitter, YouTube and Google were part of my school subjects, my parents would be so proud of me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate when I'm tired & sleepy, but when I get in bed, my body is like Just kidding! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. — Kevin Costner Copy Share Image
Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an… — Jeff Ross Copy Share Image
“Author Dating Rule #3: Edit your online dating profile. Pervs are the million pennies lying in a vat of ten nickels.” — C.L. Matthews Copy Share Image
What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold… — Asheya Copy Share Image
I never actually got around to taping conversations with my guests, but there are a lot of things you can learn from… — Pierre Trudeau Copy Share Image
I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work,… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
For the writer, there is nothing quite like having someone say that he or she understands, that you have reached them and… — Virginia Hamilton Copy Share Image
Republicans can be a funny bunch. They're against affirmative action, but they always seem to be able to find people of color… — John Ridley Copy Share Image
What readers ask nowadays in a book is that it should improve, instruct, and elevate. This book wouldn't elevate a cow. — Jerome K. Jerome Copy Share Image
To the captives, 'come out,' -- and to those in darkness, 'be free.' — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
A PHOTOGRAPH Is Worth A THOUSAND WORDS, But PHOTOSHOP Can Produce A THOUSAND LIES. — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
I hope you have enjoyed watching as much as I have enjoyed taking part. — Thierry Henry Copy Share Image
Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The average person living to age 70 has 613, 000 hours of life. This is too long a period not to have fun. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
There are no funny lawyers - only funny people who made a career mistake. — Robert J. White Copy Share Image
You have to have a serious streak in you, or you can't see the funny side of the other fellow. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
We just started seeing a nutritionist who changes our diet every 10 days. — Kim Kardashian Copy Share Image
Strangers think Im quiet. My friends think Im outgoing. My best friends think Im completely insane. — Narenkumar Copy Share Image
Thank god our Founding Fathers didn't decide to declare independence in winter — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You will either learn to manage money, or the lack of it will manage you. — Dave Ramsey Copy Share Image
Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly. — Henry Spencer Copy Share Image
“That’s the funny thing about truth. Give it enough time and it’ll see its own way through.” — Dylan Lee Peters Copy Share Image
