A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children. — David Brenner Copy Share Image
Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Never globalize a problem if it can possibly be dealt with locally. — Garrett Hardin Copy Share Image
Television: The word is half Greek, half Latin. No good can come of it. — C. P. Scott Copy Share Image
“I love that there's such a rivalry. It's like, leaf water versus bean water, ya know?” — Robyn Schneider Copy Share Image
“Offstage, I couldn't put things into words, and that was the one thing I'd always been able to rely on. Putting my… — Carrie Fisher Copy Share Image
“Well, remember, active Grims can't have children. Fertility is adversley affected by the proximity to the ether, to Elixir, and all sorts… — Gina Damico Copy Share Image
I find it amusing that I'm on the Internet now, because I've criticized it, but mainly I've criticized it on the basis… — Ray Bradbury Copy Share Image
“The toddler started making this whine/moan noise while pawing at Tabitha. I know as a woman I'm supposed to have this innate… — Cindi Madsen Copy Share Image
You put funny people in funny costumes and paint them green and we could talk about anything we wanted to, because that… — Majel Barrett Copy Share Image
Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That Awkward moment when you don't know what to answer when someone asks you what the date since you don't want to… — Junior Dè Rèál Testament Copy Share Image
It's a funny thing when you think you're dead. You're not terrified of it anymore. There's a sort of a epiphany to… — David Lange Copy Share Image
Woman say:OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF. Woman means:I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going Dutch. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sheep are stupid, and have to be driven. But goats are intelligent, and need to be led. — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
Please join me at the beach to help detract attention from my body abnormalities. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That magic moment when Everyone becomes your best friend because you brought gum — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hey sexy! shut the door pull down your pants, get on top of me satisfy your needs. Lot's of love your toilet — Brad D'Roza Copy Share Image
If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I'm the type of girl that will make a snack, while waiting for another snack to cook. — Johnneil Bertrand Copy Share Image
If I had my hand full of truth, I would take good care how I opened it. — Bernard le Bovier de Fontenelle Copy Share Image
The older I got, the more willing I was to go into the Southern vernacular, because some of it's funny. — Keith Jackson Copy Share Image
I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner. — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
In my studio I'm as happy as a cow in her stall. That's the only place where everything is all right. — Louise Berliawsky Nevelson Copy Share Image
I'm still waiting for the, 'Once you go black, you never go back.' episode on Mythbusters. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sorry Boss's Day is awkward since you are, were, or should be screwing your boss. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
True love never has a happy ending, because there is no ending to true love. — Alexander the Great Copy Share Image
You know, when a man is raped you never hear about what he was wearing. — George Takei Copy Share Image
I am as content to die for God's eternal truth on the scaffold as in any other way. — John Mason Brown Copy Share Image
That moment when you lose all respect for that person you use to like... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
