Fate has it in for me to be an exhibit: that funny old lady from the telly. — Mary Beard Copy Share Image
If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking? — Shubham Joshi Copy Share Image
As soon as I got funny, I killed any majestic intentions in my work. — William Wegman Copy Share Image
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; Im beginning to believe it. — Clarence Darrow Copy Share Image
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after a first date, chances are...you have small boobs. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Love, it seems to me, is the condition in which one is most contentedly oneself. — Tony Judt Copy Share Image
Wherever flaxseeds become a regular food item among the people, there will be better health. — Mahatma Gandhi Copy Share Image
The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy. — Harriet Morgan Copy Share Image
I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
“Does the giraffe know what he's for? Or care? Or even think about his place in things? A giraffe has a black… — Robert Fulghum Copy Share Image
“Farmers don't nap," he said. "Knights nap." "That's where we get the expression 'a good knight's sleep,'" Will said, smiling at his… — John Flanagan Copy Share Image
People should just mind their own business, probably the funniest thing I've ever read on a social networking site. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
We're professional worriers. You're constantly imagining things that could go wrong and then writing about them. — John Green Copy Share Image
You can win any argument if you just keep replying with so? to everything they say until they have an existential crisis.!!! — Tufail Mehraj Copy Share Image
On why he no longer went to Ruggeri's, a St. Louis restaurant: "Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded." — Yogi Berra Copy Share Image
I've seen many female comics that a lot of people haven't heard of who are so funny, and I saw them come… — Ali Wong Copy Share Image
There is only one good. And that is to act according to the dictates of one's conscience. — Simone de Beauvoir Copy Share Image
“I'm not saying he was, like, crying tears of man pain over the phone, but he sounded upset.” — Hannah Harrington Copy Share Image
When you fall in love, you want the world to know it, but you dont want to admit it. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
If you aren't sure which way to do something, do it both ways and see which works better. — John Carmack Copy Share Image
I have always been in a relationship. I don't remember the time when I wasn't in one — Kareena Kapoor Copy Share Image
We are secure, not because we hold tightly to Jesus, but because He holds tightly to us. — R. C. Sproul Copy Share Image
Best friends don't judge each other, they get together and judge everybody else. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Cellphones are like a dog's nipples. You don't have to shout into them! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Marry and make a woman happy OR remain a bachelor and make several women happy! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Think of it! A second chamber selected by the Whips. A seraglio of eunuchs. — Michael Foot Copy Share Image
I can take the mick out of myself so whatever anyone has got to say about me I still find it funny. — Gemma Collins Copy Share Image
Microsoft bought Skype for 8,5 billions!.. what a bunch of idiots! I downloaded it for free! — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers. — Socrates Copy Share Image
Do not cry for those who hurt you, this way you're making them successful, smile and be the winner. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
