The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made. — Jean Giraudoux Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, A man who has one mistake in his existence -- and keeps learning from it all his life; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there. — Josh Billings Copy Share Image
“A very ladylike bosom,” she said, approvingly. “There’s nothing there,” I complained. The clerk grinned. “I have been fitting bras for twenty-five… — Marta Acosta Copy Share Image
“She got icing all over her face. I think that's why I like her. For the good stuff, she's willing to get… — Laura Ruby Copy Share Image
As with anything that involves emotional pain, comedy isn't too far behind. There's that element of no matter how painful something is… — Ben Miller Copy Share Image
I don't think I'm an intentional liar, but I'm a little bit of an exaggerator sometimes. If I'm exaggerating, and the journalist… — Autre Ne Veut Copy Share Image
LOVE, A word used to label the sexual excitement of the young, the habituation of the middle aged, and the mutual dependence… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sex is a sensation caused by temptation, when a man puts his location in a woman's destination, did you understand the explanation… — Azgraybebly Josland Copy Share Image
Early on, I had a girlfriend come see me, and she was like, 'Yeah, it was good, but you were funny at… — Ari Shaffir Copy Share Image
It's funny, because '1600 Penn' was the first time I really started to read the reviews, because I am an executive producer… — Josh Gad Copy Share Image
I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes. — Richard M. Nixon Copy Share Image
Sexually frustrated men turn into bitchy divas like that snickers commercial. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
When asked what would he do if he found $1 million, Yogi responded, If the guy was poor, I'd give it back. — Yogi Berra Copy Share Image
I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Every one knows that insufficient rest and gorging are not good for anyone, either physically or mentally. — Henry Ford Copy Share Image
When we bump into each other at the Gay Pride Parade, remember to look surprised. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Damn it! I knew she was a monster! John! Amy! Listen! Guard your buttholes.” — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Endure for another day, Mister Tannen, and you'll have all the foul black misuse of water you can drink.” — Scott Lynch Copy Share Image
As funny as some photos can be, think twice about allowing yourself to be tagged in questionable photos. — Lewis Howes Copy Share Image
Increased knowledge clearly implies increased responsibility. — Nicolaas Bloembergen Copy Share Image
Drugs and alcohol are never the answer. Unless someone asked me, What are you doing this weekend? — Green Monk Copy Share Image
My Girlfriend just said that I should stop acting like an year old. I almost choked on her boobs. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
WORST MOMENT EVER: Watching a good show and then BAM. A sad, abusive animal commercial comes on. :c — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You know whats better than watching a beautiful woman get dressed...laughing at what she is wearing — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Just because you can't do everything, it doesn't mean you shouldn't do what you can. — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
