I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything." — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Funny is when someone talking bad about your style and few days after, they just copy your style! — Angela Jennifer Aroemrasni Copy Share Image
Bless your heart, they don't mind--they're exceedingly kind-- They don't blame you--as long as you're funny! — W. S. Gilbert Copy Share Image
I wanted to be funny. And I'm always acknowledged for my pranks and jokes nowadays. — Steve Wozniak Copy Share Image
If you've fallin asleep during a movie...you're no longer watching the movie the movie is watching you...wishing it could go to sleep… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I… — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
Bobby Ball, who plays my dad in 'Not Going Out,' is very funny. He has a magical sense for comedy that nobody… — Lee Mack Copy Share Image
When you look at the comedies that are out there, 99 per cent of the time, men are the heroes. It's often… — Audrey Tautou Copy Share Image
“P—Jamie!” I called. He waded back toward me. “I’m starting to think my name is Pajamie.” “Your name should be Pajerky. You… — Diana Peterfreund Copy Share Image
I've read that women love to have whipped cream licked off their breasts, but since my girlfriend has silicone implants, I use… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
The funny thing with Ophelia is that I remembered her being this really cool, awesome female character when I read 'Hamlet' in… — Ryan North Copy Share Image
Always try to grow in your garden some plant or plants out of the ordinary, something your neighbors never attempted. For you… — Richardson Wright Copy Share Image
Behind every Successful Man there is a Woman… Because Women don't run behind Unsuccessful Men! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
One of my very close friends asked me -: Hey! Did you learn Arabic? And I replied . . . . . . . *ILLA* — Irfan Khan Copy Share Image
Being fat is nature's way of saying, You're so good, I think I'll make more of you! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, is when a female hypochondriac marries a pill; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you teach your children nothing else, teach them the Golden Rule and "righty-tighty, lefty-loosey. — Robert Breault Copy Share Image
The point of life is not to get anywhere-it is to notice that you are, and have always been, already there. — Neale Donald Walsch Copy Share Image
“It's funny how you can share a flat with someone and still miss them so much.” — Sophia Bennett Copy Share Image
Even though you have free health care, I hope a firecracker doesn't blow off your thumbs this Canada Day. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Add me on kik? I'm also getting a text free so you guys can text me without knowing my real number — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
If I'm in an uncomfortable situation, I think I can say something funny to defuse it. Sometimes you can't. — Jack Whitehall Copy Share Image
Once you get past funny, my other qualities are so below average. It's not like I'm handy. — Seth Meyers Copy Share Image
It's funny how everyday seems the same, yet when you look back a lot has changed. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Elena, my four year old, says to me in all seriousness; "Mommy, you need to buy another baby". — Ronald Reagan Copy Share Image
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Thought for the day: Twitter...140 character limit...must be a great tool for fortune cookie writers...” — E.A. Bucchianeri Copy Share Image
It's not about trying to be funny all the time. It's more of a document that hopefully is funny. — David Cross Copy Share Image
