It is up to me now to choose how to live out the months that remain to me. — Oliver Sacks Copy Share Image
I can't wait for your wedding to be my excuse for getting out of another wedding. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
God won't allow anything happen in your life if it's not for your good. — Nick Vujicic Copy Share Image
Your knowledge of wine is almost as impressive as your use of it to disguise your alcoholism. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
All religions are the same. They all lead to God. God is everybody. — Neem Karoli Baba Copy Share Image
Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years. — Henry Fielding Copy Share Image
When I was right out of college, I felt competitive with some of the guys in my class over career stuff. It's… — Aaron Staton Copy Share Image
“Whispers followed me down the hall. Ignoring them was harder than I´d imagined. Every Cell in my body demanded that I confront… — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
If you recall childhood, you may remember that the kids who stuck straws and cigarettes up their noses back then seemed funnier… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Well, Nero," Genghis said, "I just wanted to give you this rose-a small gift of congratulations for the wonderful concert you gave… — Lemony Snicket Copy Share Image
Confidence is a funny thing, and sometimes that's all you need is just that little bit to elevate you to the next… — DeAndre Yedlin Copy Share Image
All I know how to do is take what's on my mind and spit it out funny. I don't know what else… — Ron White Copy Share Image
I always wondered, like, you know how you go to the family barbecue, and your uncle is that funny guy that you… — Brendan Schaub Copy Share Image
Always keep a smile. I attribute my long life to that. I believe I will die laughing. That's part of my program. — Jeanne Calment Copy Share Image
I met a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my life, but you - you're twenty minutes. — Billy Wilder Copy Share Image
A good-bye is never painful unless you're never going to say hello again — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground — Francis Bacon Copy Share Image
'Tis a good thing to laugh at any rate; and if a straw can tickle a man, it is an instrument of… — John Dryden Copy Share Image
Did you hear about the new reversible jackets? I can't wait to see how they turn out. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid. — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
You must stop looking for a reason to call someone a fool...all you need is a mouth! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
By the time that product is ready to be distributed widely, it will already have established customers. — Eric Ries Copy Share Image
The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasnt hungry, I just wanted to call some plays. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't want to be jackass. You just pushed my jackass button. — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
Tempted to type meaningless twaddle all the time on Twitter...with alliteration, no less! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint. — Don Marquis Copy Share Image
If your plan A doesnt work, dont sweat it. The alphabet has 25 more letters. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
