I'm gonna kick your teeth so far down your throat you'll be able to chew your own ass out for pissin' me… — The Undertaker Copy Share Image
OMG! I just discovered I have a super power! I can be invisible… Oh no no wait, I'm just being ignored. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We all can't be famous but we can all be great and we become great when we serve others — Martin Luther King, Jr Copy Share Image
If the quarterback throws the ball in the endzone and the wide receiver catches it, it's a touchdown. — John Madden Copy Share Image
Amateurs practice until they get it right. Professionals practice until it can't go wrong. — Julie Andrews Copy Share Image
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If you don't like what you're getting, then change what you're doing. It's up to you. — Pat Croce Copy Share Image
“Looking up at Max he asked, “Do you recommend anything?” He kept his eyes low and to the table, trying but failing… — Shawn Kirsten Maravel Copy Share Image
Counting down till Halloween so I can scare the little kids that knock at my door with my ultimate Saw mask for… — Mariana Copy Share Image
If you see me smiling it's because I'm thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing it's because… — Emalie Newhall Copy Share Image
I don't really have a talent. I can't sing or act or dance or perform, those talents. All I can do is… — Lauren Conrad Copy Share Image
I wanted to send you something nice that would make you smile but the postman told me to get out of the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Some things are so tragic that you don't know what's funny in it, and some things are so ridiculous you don't know… — Larry Wilmore Copy Share Image
You're a kid, your whole life is awesome. It's awesome, right? You had no money, no ID, no cell phone, no nothing,… — Bill Burr Copy Share Image
What is extraordinary about the character of Edna - and I speak as though I am completely outside this character and I… — Barry Humphries Copy Share Image
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass. — Bob Davies Copy Share Image
The wisdom coming from above, the faith that sweetly works by love. — Charles Wesley Copy Share Image
“Maxon: “To be clear, no one agrees with you.” America: “To be clear, I don’t care.” — Kiera Cass Copy Share Image
I'm fortunate that I'm making a living at it now because I'm not equipped to do anything else. — Sonny Rollins Copy Share Image
I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery. — Beverly D'Angelo Copy Share Image
When we see only what we want to see in the Bible, it loses all power to transform us. — Jim Cymbala Copy Share Image
The day I got a hit off (Sandy) Koufax was when he knew it was all over. — Sparky Anderson Copy Share Image
I don't remember everything I have read but I do remember quite a few reds that I have seen — Danny Santagato Copy Share Image
Know that the thing that is easiest to do is rarely the thing that is best to do. — Robin Sharma Copy Share Image
Where force is necessary, there it must be applied boldly, decisively and completely. — Leon Trotsky Copy Share Image
I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling. — Chic Murray Copy Share Image
Log off Facebook, close laptop, get into bed, grab phone, check Facebook. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The commercial for Diet Dr. Pepper says it tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper. Well, then they screwed up! — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
My wife told me she wanted something with lots of diamonds, I bought her a deck of cards — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
Boys, if you don't look like Calvin Klein models, don't expect us to look like Victoria's Secret Angels. — Cuts And Scars Copy Share Image
