Funny Quotes · Page 661

Girls work on their looks but not their minds bcoz they know boys are stupid, not blind

— Hussein Nishah

Those who will not govern themselves are condemned to find masters to govern over them.

— Steven Pressfield

You know, it's funny how songs continue to grow and evolve and become a new and deeper reflection of your life.

— Gloria Estefan

The funny response to 'One Mississippi' continues to be that people don't know what is true and what's fiction.

— Tig Notaro

If I ever mary, it will be on a suddn impulse - as aman shoots himself

— H. L. Mencken

“Asia is an entertainment, Europe is a dream, America is an imprisonment and Rest is a nightmare.”

— Santosh Kalwar

I'd have better people skills if I worked with better people.

— Anonymous

I was...labelled as an advocate because...I measured something.

— Jeremy Jackson

Members rise from CMG (known sometimes in Whitehall as 'Call Me God') to KCMG ('Kindly Call Me God') to .. the GCMG…

— Anthony Sampson

“Nothing humbles a beautiful woman better than not being wanted by a man whose girlfriend or wife is ugly (or not as…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I really enjoy being in the rock world. They're funny, 90 percent of them are funny. And they're guys that you would…

— Jim Breuer

People were stopping me on the street to say, 'Oh my God, it's Crazy Eyes!' Which is kind of a funny thing…

— Uzo Aduba

If a comic laughs at their own jokes, I don't like it. They shouldn't find it funny; they should seriously believe in…

— James Acaster

It's funny, because when I was in college, all my professors said, 'You should do comedy.' And I was like, 'No! No!'…

— Rachael Harris

I love a smart, well-written show, and '30 Rock,' well, you can't get any better than that. Tina Fey poos funny. There's…

— Andy Cohen

The U.S. team has swept all the medals in the skeet shooting event. So despite our bad economy, it's nice to know…

— Conan O'Brien

Dor: there is a reason God lmits our days. Victor: why? Dor: to make each one precious.

— Mitch Albom

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

— Steven Wright

It's either the wallpaper or me. One of us has to go. [These were his dying words.]

— Oscar Wilde

We want to ascribe a kind of tragic grimness to people, but people are funny.

— Luis Alberto Urrea

When someone points skyward, its the fool that looks at the finger.

— Ritu Ghatourey

I'm bringing sexy back Oh no. Hunny, your the reason it left.

— Anonymous

“I confessed I did not have an opinion; I was only thirteen, and this was my very first dismemberment.”

— Rick Yancey

Don't you hate it when you're doing push-ups and you lose count after 1,000...

— Anonymous

We live in an age when pizza gets to your house before the police... but pizza is better than the cops

— Drew Fonner

If you text me and then within the next 3 minutes send me ???, you will not get a reply.

— Anonymous

Americans have mastered the art of living with the unacceptable.

— Breyten Breytenbach

I now know how uncomfortable most parents have it when they're having the sex talk with their children.

— Epifania Savea

The creatives are rarely professional and the professionals are rarely creative.

— Simon Sinek

Its my bad luck that I cant differentiate between a candle and a woman ;both are bound to burn.

— Mohd Aariff Khan

T, at least once in your life you tried to drink out of the cup like a dog

— Anonymous

Those that innovate the future understand history the best.

— Rick Warren

“Blankets are good to carry around if you want to be able to quickly black bag someone.”

— Nicole McKay

You'll never see the hacienda. It doesn't exist. The hacienda must be built.

— Ivan Chtcheglov

If I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make up for it by being always immensely over-educated.

— Oscar Wilde

Execute like there's no tomorrow, strategize like there will be.

— Aaron Levie

“I had a dream about you last night.. You kept screaming at Ted Danson to pour you a drink.”

— Amy Summers

Some theories are good for nothing except to be argued about.

— Georg C. Lichtenberg

The secret of our marriage is chemistry. She's on Valium and I'm on Prozac

— Green Monk

Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.

— Regha Hanif Malik Fajar's