I used to go in for Disney auditions, and they'd tell me, 'You're cute and nice but just not funny.' — Gattlin Griffith Copy Share Image
You know nothing for sure...except the fact that you know nothing for sure. — John F. Kennedy Copy Share Image
Inflation hasn't ruined everything. A dime can still be used as a screwdriver. — H. Jackson Brown, Jr Copy Share Image
“I bought a zoo, which is funny, because I own the very place that should own me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
We cannot control what others do to us, but through God we can control the way we respond to them. — Joyce Meyer Copy Share Image
“Okay, well I think the programme is like being screamed at for an hour by a drunk with a strobe-light, but like… — David Nicholls Copy Share Image
I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Me me me me me me me me eme me me me me me me me me me me me me me… — Acacia Brinley Clark Copy Share Image
Have you ever thought about toothpaste? Ellen has! And she makes a point about all of the types of toothpaste that Colgate… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
My mother was a terrific force in my life. Wartime-generation woman, hadn't gone to university but should have done. Was very funny,… — Ian Hislop Copy Share Image
Hearing people singing wrong lyrics of a song Makes me remembering when I used to proudly sing 'ello Mello p' for the… — Kemis Khan Copy Share Image
Drew's a funny guy. Because anything he gets into, he gets in 100%. Even when we were doing 'The Drew Carey Show,'… — Ryan Stiles Copy Share Image
“A girl can dream can’t she? My new life plan is to stumble into every office of a CEO until I find… — Sophie Monroe Copy Share Image
Jim Apple finds introducing himself very problematic when holidaying in France. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small! — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Chodan chodan sab kare chod sake na koijab kabeera chodan lage lund khare na hoye — Baba Burchodan Das Copy Share Image
I intended to give you some advice but now I remember how much is left over from last year unused. — George Harris Copy Share Image
A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah. — Ronald Reagan Copy Share Image
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
Vodka! That's a child's drink, why am I drinking this stupid drink, oh and why am I on a traffic island? — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
There can be no doubt that all our knowledge begins with experience. — Immanuel Kant Copy Share Image
Thus I got into my bones the essential structure of the ordinary British sentence, which is a noble thing. — Winston Churchill Copy Share Image
Read the Word. Consume the Word until it consumes you. Believe the Word. Act on the Word. — Smith Wigglesworth Copy Share Image
A sneeze is like a little orgasm. Sometimes it helps to close your eyes and think about your twitter crush. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A neighbour put his budgerigar in the mincing machine and invented shredded tweet. — Chic Murray Copy Share Image
How often could things be remedied by a word. How often is it left unspoken. — Norman Douglas Copy Share Image
TM in the a.m. and the p.m…20 minutes in the bank, all day in the market place. — Maharishi Mahesh Yogi Copy Share Image
