“You have a gorgeous ass, and it holds handprints beautifully.” Oh, well, how nice for me. ” — Cherise Sinclair Copy Share Image
You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer. — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
Cat's motto: "No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look as if the dog did it." — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“She actually wants to spend more time with me? I’m beginning to wonder if she’s as crazy as I am…” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Imagine having journalists in your own home and not even covering the furniture with plastic sheets first. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
...clatter of a typwriter suggests that you're actually building something. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Our life comes in segments, and we have to understand that we can have it all if we're not trying to do… — Madeleine Albright Copy Share Image
I never feel like it'll be something where like, 'Aha, I've got it. I'm funny for the rest of my life. I… — Jaboukie Young-White Copy Share Image
“[Ella] “Again, I ask, whose side are you on?” [Lola] “The side that has the least Dorito-flavored vomit on the floor after… — Dakota Cassidy Copy Share Image
Everybody is a potential murderer. I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices. — Clarence Darrow Copy Share Image
What I love about comedy is that it's unquestionably working. There are varying degrees of that, where there's something that makes you… — Abbi Jacobson Copy Share Image
I have high-definition television, because I felt the lack of resolution was affecting my ability to solve cases on C.S.I. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
It did suffer and it became very weak, while the reporters from Iraqi radio and television stations were more active and had… — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
“Wyatt should’ve looked ridiculous sitting on the floor, leaning into the crate making kissykiss noises at the cat, but he didn’t. He… — Jill Shalvis Copy Share Image
I promise, I am sorry and I love you all have eight letters , but so does BULLSHIT — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We don't all agree on everything. I don't agree with myself on everything. — Rudy Giuliani Copy Share Image
I hate when someone is about to tell you something but then says never mind. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Is there any good news?' Tesla said. Who ever promised that? Who ever said there'd be good news?” — Clive Barker Copy Share Image
I cannot, in good conscience, allow money to be wasted on a failure. — Winston Groom Copy Share Image
A natural sponge is not as funny. A square sponge also fit that squeaky-clean idea I was going for. — Stephen Hillenburg Copy Share Image
Wanna know something cool! press +w to get a thumbs up from ur compuetr screen — Drummer Copy Share Image
When our bed is made, it's covered in 40 pillows-like we're stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
It's a miracle when we finally discover whom we're best equipped to serve. — Fred Rogers Copy Share Image
There's no place like home. Especially when we're talking about The best place to take a shit. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sailors, with their built in sense of order, service and discipline, should really be running the world. — Nicholas Monsarrat Copy Share Image
I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned. — Ogden Nash Copy Share Image
When we no longer seek God for His blessings, we have time to seek Him for Himself. — Oswald Chambers Copy Share Image
Question: How much do you have to invest in the future before you've spent it and no longer have one? — Mark Steyn Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you pose nude for your art teacher and you flunk the course. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Ladies call me Subway because I've got low-quality meat and lie about being six inches! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“Revenge was an expensive sport. The question was always whether the prize was worth the ticket.” — Janus Lucky Copy Share Image
![“[Ella] “Again, I ask, whose side are you on?” [Lola] “The side that has the least Dorito-flavored vomit on the floor after the party.” quote by Dakota Cassidy](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/b0b/dakota-cassidy-16606_best-friends_ella-again-i-ask-whose-side-are-you-on-l_766108.jpg)
