I respect a woman's decision to undergo plastic surgery to go from being ugly to being ugly & disgusting. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
THAT MINI HEART ATTACK You get when you realize you forgot to do your homework — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Studying means: to text, to eat and to watch TV with an open book neatby. — Michael Angelo De Leon Copy Share Image
Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors. — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
My girlfriend isn't very punctual. She's been late on her period for 6 months now. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Science is the most complete presentment of facts with the least expenditure of thought — Ernst Mach Copy Share Image
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. — Lily Tomlin Copy Share Image
I just feel like there are a lot of funny things that happen in this world and I guess that's for the… — John Pinette Copy Share Image
I like cinnamon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnamon… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
There is some humour in 'Family Values.' I don't want everyone to think it's not going to make them laugh. But there… — Wendy Cope Copy Share Image
Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you do something hilarious and your friends ask you to do it again and you can't because you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Never allow yourself externally to portray anything that you have not inwardly experienced and which is not even interesting to you. — Constantin Stanislavski Copy Share Image
Teenagers falling off skateboards - funny. Nut shots - funny. Breaking wind - funny. The world cannot change those. Those three things… — John Oliver Copy Share Image
There seems to be hardly any one among my acquaintance from whom I have not learned. — C. S. Lewis Copy Share Image
Always do what you feel deeply in the within to be the true thing to do. — Wallace D. Wattles Copy Share Image
“Good cops make their bosses look good, and Hector was a one-man beauty school.” — Edward Conlon Copy Share Image
The very commonplaces of life are components of its eternal mystery. — Gertrude Atherton Copy Share Image
“Fat people are funny … until obesity pays your loved one a visit.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Aggression only breeds more aggression. It only creates more fear and anger. — Margaret J. Wheatley Copy Share Image
Sometimes you find that what is most personal is also what connects you most strongly with others. — Grace Paley Copy Share Image
When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life. — Richard Lewis Copy Share Image
Stalin didn't write any memoirs. He was too secretive. He was afraid people might read them. — Jonathan Lynn Copy Share Image
A REAL man can get closer to a girl's heart , without unbuttoning her shirt — Green Monk Copy Share Image
The road by precepts is tedious, by example, short and efficacious. — Seneca the Younger Copy Share Image
Its funny how far you will go to be there for a friend, but when it comes to you, they're not there — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
I don't know if I should thank you or whoever made you such a nice person. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Every single person is a fool, insane, a failure, or a bad person to at least ten people.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
You touch things lightly or deeply; you move along because life herself moves, and you can’t stop it. — Jim Harrison Copy Share Image
Youth troubles over eternity, age grasps at a day and is satisfied to have even the day. — Dame Mary Gilmore Copy Share Image
I don't get it. If sperm contains more life than blood, then why don't vampires suck dick? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
