Let's spend Thanksgiving spilling food on our clothes, and Black Friday buying new ones. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear dad, you always told me that an honest man has nothing to fear, so I'm trying my best not to be… — Frank Abagnale Copy Share Image
Wanna know why they call me Gandy Candy? Cuz' Its Trick-er-treat all year round' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
One of the worst things that can happen in life is to win a bet on a horse at an early age. — Danny McGoorty Copy Share Image
I never actually got around to taping conversations with my guests, but there are a lot of things you can learn from… — Pierre Trudeau Copy Share Image
People ask me all the time, ALL the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, 'Bo, you're an artist... how… — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
Many years ago a very wise man named Bernard Baruch took me aside and put his arm around my shoulder. "Harpo my… — Harpo Marx Copy Share Image
When a baseball player makes an error, it goes into the record and is published. How many of us could stand this… — Sydney J. Harris Copy Share Image
Of course I look both ways when crossing a one way street. You never know what kind of idiot is behind the… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“The whole point of straws, I had thought, was that you did not have to set down the slice of pizza to… — Nicholson Baker Copy Share Image
Infancy conforms to nobody: all conform to it, so that one babe commonly makes four or five out of the adults who… — Ralph Waldo Emerson Copy Share Image
I've always found it funny when people call 'Romeo and Juliet' 'the greatest love story ever told' because - man - it… — Ryan North Copy Share Image
Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' — Jeremiah Copy Share Image
If I had a Boy Scout I could make a fire by rubbing his hind legs together. — Robert A. Heinlein Copy Share Image
The only thing I have learned in thirty years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“The coldest depth of Hell is reserved for people who abandon kittens.” — Robert A. Heinlein Copy Share Image
The Really Annoying Moment Is That When Your Mom Sits Down Next To You, While You're On The Computer... — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
I was a lesbian for a semester at Wesleyan - it was a graduation requirement. — Ayelet Waldman Copy Share Image
It may be best to set aside the rest of May to apologize for what you're going to do this Cinco de… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Those from whom nature has withheld taste invented trousers. — Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin Copy Share Image
When I was younger I had everything handed to me on a plate... Soup was a nightmare — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I was no longer the centre of my life and therefore I could see God in everything. — Venerable Bede Copy Share Image
Actually, the reason I look like this is because my father was from Sweden and my mother was Elton John. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
With so many girls pregnant at school, condoms should be on the supply list. — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
You can't truly rest until every area in your life rests in God. — Aiden Wilson Tozer Copy Share Image
Scrolling down your inbox and remembering each memory in every text message. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You can't make someone else's choices. You shouldn't let someone else make yours. — Colin Powell Copy Share Image
