“Being bigheaded can be as irritating and as dangerous as being small-minded.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
Thing I won't forget: All the little stupid but cute things we did together.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why did the butcher divorce his wife? He caught her eating his competitor's meat! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Dad, thanks for struggling with your homosexuality long enough to sire me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We discover in ourselves what others hide from us and we recognize in others what we hide from ourselves... — Luc de Clapiers Copy Share Image
At the end of the day I'm writing comedy. If you get too realistic as a comedy writer with your disasters, it… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
You know what's funny? There's times when you catch a ball and really didn't even see that ball. You're like, 'That couldn't… — Calvin Johnson Copy Share Image
I wanted to do a show about a character that was an innocent, and so I focused on a sea sponge because… — Stephen Hillenburg Copy Share Image
I know quickly whether a guy is boyfriend material. If I can have a good time doing absolutely nothing with him, then… — Alyson Hannigan Copy Share Image
“The Brit's face shares a heritage with a junkyard butt-sniffing mutt. It's a hard-earned moonshine mug, dotted with a hairy mole that… — Brett Tate Copy Share Image
Everybody in New York, including police horses, dresses fashionably, and whenever I'm there, even in my sharpest funeral-quality suit with no visible… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I broke up with poverty... and the last thing that fool said was...you will never find someone like me...Amen..who cares — Jezreel Copy Share Image
“Halt," said Horace, "I've been thinking..." Halt and Will exchanged an amused glance. "Always a dangerous pastime," they chorused. For many years,… — John Flanagan Copy Share Image
I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig… Its not a beautiful poem, but its very deep :P — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
“I'll get it," said Jough in his man-of-the-house voice, a full octave lower than his regular voice.” — Cuthbert Soup Copy Share Image
“It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My teacher said I had a self sabotaging personality when I showed up drunk for traffic school. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
And the words we find are always insufficient, like love, though they are often lovely and all we have. — Stephen Dunn Copy Share Image
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night... you made a beard for yourself out of forty two bags of Twizzlers.” — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. — Paul R. Ehrlich Copy Share Image
There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up. — Kristen Chandler Copy Share Image
The best part of your life is when your family becomes your friends and your friends become your family. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There is no place more delightful than one's own fireside. Nullus est locus domestica sede jucundior. — Marcus Tullius Cicero Copy Share Image
HR Manager is a person who thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months !!! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Imagine that, a poncho sombrero combo, I'll be off my tits on happiness. — Noel Fielding Copy Share Image
